


A Face Worth Killing

by franchescapism



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Artist Thor, Dark Thor (Marvel), Dubious Consent, Human, Serial Killers, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 10:03:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15970070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franchescapism/pseuds/franchescapism
Summary: Thor Odinson had a hard life before he became a successful illustrator. He now lived in a house by the sea, alone and far from the demons of his tragic past. But these things found a way of haunting him in the form of a beautiful boy named Loki, Thor's bastard brother who was nothing but innocent.Thor was a good man, but even men like him have urges that only obsession and hatred could drag up and out a deep well.





	1. The Night Rippled

The night rippled in the boy’s hair. By the way it cascaded down his forehead and just above pools of green eyes, Thor was reminded of the heaviness that cloaked him the day he lost his mother and the way she was slowly lowered to the ground. The boy who was maybe four or five years old clung to the back of his father’s jeans as he looked up with those wide eyes.

  
_There was something in those eyes,_ Thor thought.

  
“It’s good to see you, my boy,” the drunken old man slurred as he entered Thor’s sea-side home. Outside, the shore and sky were a soft gray, a familiar peace that Thor shared with no one in the past few years. This place was supposed to be Thor’s alone—a place his father could never ruin with his presence the way he did their family.

  
“How did you find me?” Thor spoke through gritted teeth for he must never show his father—he must never show Odin—that his being here was affecting him greatly.

  
“I have my ways, son.” The old man patted him on the cheek, a gesture that would seem gentle and caring to a stranger, but Thor knew very well what it really meant: _You thought you’d get away easily? Think again, son._

  
“Someone here would like to meet you.” Odin then lifted the little boy in his arms. He looked so thin. Fragile. The boy crinkled his nose the way Odin did when he was considering something. “This is Loki, your little brother. Loki, say hi to Thor.” The boy was too distracted then as he took in entirely his surroundings—from the high ceilings to a chandelier Thor made from seashells and driftwood to the windows that framed the view outside.

  
“I’ll be on a business trip for a few days, so you take care of the lad.” Odin quickly handed Thor the boy as if he could not wait to be free of his weight. “Here’s a bag of his things. Loki’s very easy to take care of. Very quiet. Easy to please. Would eat almost anything except beans. Little boy avoids them like a plague!” The old man chuckled as he placed a gray duffel bag on the floor beside the door, and Thor thought a knife to that hollow between Odin’s collar bones could stifle the maddening noise. Would blood gurgle out of his mouth?

  
“Thor! Have you been listening?”

  
“Yes. The boy…Loki, he’s staying for three days.” Thor shifted the boy in his arms and Loki immediately wrapped his pale arms around his big brother’s neck.

  
“I know you’ve been busy with—” Odin waved a hand, “—your art but get to know your brother. Spend time with Loki. He’s a curious boy; never gets bored.”

  
Odin left his boys and Thor half-wished that he would never come back, but what would he do with Loki then? He didn’t know who the boy’s mother was for he wasn’t given the chance to ask. Well, he didn’t care anyway. Thor didn’t want to know whose cunt Odin had to fuck to produce this bastard.

  
“Thor?”

  
Thor sighed as he faced Loki in his arms. “Yes?”

  
The boy smiled, not too sweet but beautiful nonetheless. It was as warm sunrise, but Thor only saw the setting of it. He was not pleased.

  
“Thor,” he repeated, furrowing his brows and then nodding as if he decided a matter with himself. Loki tried to wiggle himself free and Thor gently let him down on his feet. His little brother took Thor’s calloused hand in his delicate one, and Thor held on firmly. It was so tempting to squeeze the life out of his body. Imagining it, Thor faintly felt the snapping of ribs against his arms and the way the boy’s body would cave in. He saw it clearly in his mind: an assemblage of a broken boy, cracked open and rearranged—a masterpiece worth displaying in the Louvre.

 


	2. The First

It had been two weeks since Odin found him and brought the skinny boy Loki with him when Thor realized the old man would never come back. Like a sack of stones to weigh him down, Odin tied him to the responsibility of raising a child. Thor was furious, and he considered placing Loki in the said sack. He could drop it off a cliff and the boy would drown. He went to their old house in the city, but no one knew where the man went. Odin planned all this!

  
Thor paced the shore outside his house as Loki entertained himself, swinging on a hammock and humming a made-up tune. It was a sunny morning and Thor caught the spilling sunlight on his tanned skin. Loki loved it, too, but Thor made him wear his huge sunglasses. They were sliding down Loki’s little nose that he had to push it back up repeatedly. Loki thought it was to protect his eyes, but it was because Thor didn’t want to see them.

  
_Would it look like an accident if the boy fell off the hammock and cracked his skull open?_ Thor stopped pacing and watched the boy.

 ***

Years passed, and Loki comfortably grew in Thor’s company. Everything he needed was provided. He had his own bedroom to occupy upstairs right across Thor’s, but Thor always chose to lock himself up in his art studio downstairs, away from Loki’s questions and even more questioning gaze. Loki had a nanny to help him bathe and prepare his meals, and a private tutor to educate him. Thor never enjoyed school and so he decided that Loki should be homeschooled to avoid all the drama and bullying he came across himself. Thor realized that Loki was feeling lonely for the little boy started making dolls out of twigs he plucked from the shore, just so he had someone to tell his stories of castles and the sorcerers that dwelled in them—the tales he had read from the books Thor bought for him whenever he perfected a test or behaved well. And so, on his ninth birthday, Thor bought him a dog—the ugliest he could find. He brought home a rescued Rottweiler that had a huge scar running down one side of its face and was also missing an eye. Its height was half of Loki’s then and he loved it for he could cuddle with it. Thor imagined it could mangle the boy if angered, but Loki and the black dog became inseparable.

  
Loki was twelve and Thor still hadn’t forgotten his hatred. He despised the boy and couldn’t stand being in his presence for long periods of time. In his head he still made a list of all the ways he could break and kill him. He was adding more to said list as he went grocery shopping—Loki requested mac ‘n cheese for dinner—when he saw a skinny, pubescent boy with the night-dark waves cross in front of him. Thor was irritated that Loki would be like any other disobedient teenager. He told him to never go anywhere without his permission. Thor just left him sunbathing outside their house an hour ago, a hardcover book held between his slender hands. “I’ll just be playing the piano later. Don’t worry about me, brother,” Loki assured him.

  
“Loki,” Thor called his name, but the boy kept walking away and into another aisle.

  
“Loki!” he repeated as he grabbed the boy’s arm.

  
“Hello, Mr. Gorgeous. How may I help you?” the boy-who-was-not-Loki asked. His eyelashes were shorter, and his face was rounder. The all-knowing look that Loki always had in his eyes wasn’t there too.

  
“Sorry. I thought you were my brother. You look just like him, and I told him not to go anywhere without letting me know. Again, I’m sorry.” He scratched at his head in a bit of unease.

  
“No worries, Mr. Handsome. You seem like a nice guy,” the boy was bravely flirting with him and Thor didn’t appreciate it. How could one so young do that to someone very much older. Didn’t he think that Thor was almost his father’s age?

  
But then a thought crossed Thor’s mind and he grinned, the kind that promised only good things.

  
“You seem like a nice kid. You should meet my brother. He’ll like you.”

  
“Is he here?” It was obvious to Thor that the boy wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone but him.

  
“He’s in the car” He shrugged, but to make his motives genuinely harmless, he asked, “But won’t your mom look for you? Your friends?”

  
The boy shook his head. “I’m all alone. I live a few blocks away and just wanted some soda.”

  
Perfect.

  
“Then maybe I should pay for your soda and we’ll drive you home. You can chat with my little brother in the backseat.”

  
The boy feigned thinking hard for a bit. “Okay. Sounds good to me.”

  
Thor was thrilled.

***

He snapped his neck.

  
The moment the boy noticed that there was no one else in the car, he panicked. But Thor was quick, and he made it seem as if his victim just fainted. Nobody saw. Nobody asked. And Thor never knew he’d feel so high in accomplishing the act.

  
He placed the body in the passenger’s seat, strapped the belt across his chest, and lowered the cap the boy was wearing over his eyes. He planned how to get rid of the body, but as he got closer to home he decided that he could do more to it. And so, just around the secluded beach they lived in, Thor parked his car beneath a shade of trees and took out the body to carefully transfer in the trunk. The boy’s head lolled to one side at a very odd angle. Thor had to take the boy to his basement to prevent the apparent mess his other schemes would surely cause.

  
That night, as Loki slept peacefully in his bed upstairs, Thor stood in the basement. He smiled in satisfaction as he regarded his work.

 ***

Thor didn’t stop. Every frustration and all the fury he felt toward Loki he released in his new hobby. Every time he killed his victims, he made sure to look them—Loki—in the eyes and watch until their eyelids shut or the eyes themselves lost their shine. Each victim he brought into his basement—some already dead, some still alive and about to die—but made sure to get rid of in the early hours of the morning. None of the bodies came out looking the same as when Thor brought them in.

  
Thor felt so alive to kill Loki.

  
Again.

  
And again.

  
And again.

 ***

It’s been a year since his first kill when a knock came on their front door. Thor was agitated when he noticed from his bedroom window a police car park close to their house on the narrow road that led down to his shore. He took in a lungful of air and calmed down as best as he could before he went downstairs, just in time to hear the heavy oak door creak open.

  
“Good evening, kid. I’m Officer Wilson and this here is Officer Romanoff. Any adults in the house we can speak to?” The officer greeted as Loki curiously stood in the open doorway.

  
“My brother’s he—”

  
“Yes, officers? How may we help you?” Thor interrupted as he stepped behind Loki.

  
“Sir, we suggest that…” The officer trailed off as his eyes widened when he was able to look more carefully at Loki’s face. He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “It’s something we cannot discuss in front of the young man.”

  
The night was cold, and the dark skies were impregnated with the full moon’s silver glow. Thor wrapped his cardigan tighter around his torso as he stepped outside. Loki was still standing by the door, waiting for his big brother’s instructions. “Loki, feed the dog. Go.” Loki left for the kitchen.

  
“What is it?” Thor asked as he pulled the door shut, making sure that Loki would not hear them from within.

  
“We advise that you keep an eye on your brother. There’s a killer around and he’s been killing boys and young men who look like your brother. Similar with his features: black hair, green eyes, fair skin, a bit skinny, tall. Eight victims so far,” Officer Wilson informed him.

  
“The victims were around ages twelve to nineteen,” Romanoff spoke up for the first time. “Each death was unique from another, and his methods are getting worse. The first one, the boy’s neck was snapped. The latest one was drowned.”

  
Thor knew that very well and it’s why he soundproofed the basement. He was getting more creative in his ways, and the screams of his victims as he slowly killed them were like worship to him. When Loki asked why he was soundproofing, he told him that he was growing older and he no longer appreciated hearing all the noise when he worked. Loki was upset when he asked, “You said you liked me playing the piano.” The boy pouted, tears threatening to fall from his sharpening green eyes. He stood at the foot of the stairs beside his half-blind dog Tricks as Thor pulled in a couple of materials into the house. “You have an office hear with wide windows. You’ll need sunlight, Thor. You’ll get sick down there,” Loki added, covering up the hurt in his voice. Thor promised that he would only work in the basement for special projects and when he could not concentrate. He also assured Loki that the boy will always be the best pianist in the world and Thor’s new aversion to noise would never change that.

  
“And each one of them was missing a random part—a patch of skin, the eyes, an ear, the scalp and hair. The investigators haven’t figured out yet why the killer’s taking them,” added Romanoff.

  
That night, instead of feeling anxious or furious about the discovery of his works, Thor was ecstatic. He was inspired. He was supposed to start illustrating a comic book’s cover, but he decided that it could wait. Thor had more artistic things to do. And so, when he was sure that Loki, who was terrified by the news and begged Thor to stay with him in his room, was deep in his sleep, Thor went out to play.


	3. Water Cure

“P-p-please, don’t do this.”

  
“Oh, Loki. This is going to be fun. Don’t you trust your big brother?” Thor grinned as he approached his new victim who was lying on an old wooden table in his basement.

  
It was at 1AM when Thor came home with a lightly sedated teenager. Thor found him at a park, sitting on a bench with his headphones on, a can of beer in one hand. The beautiful boy nodded his head to the music—but not like Loki. Nodding to the beat was never enough for Loki; he had to close his eyes and sway, sometimes his hands were lifted over his head, graceful like an echo to the movements of his body. Loki was like the sea when it threw its waves up against high cliffs.

  
“Who’s L-Loki?” The boy was shivering in the cold—or was it fear? —as he laid in nothing but his boxers.

  
“Oh brother, you are all grown up now. Why do you still play such stupid jest?” Thor grinned in amusement as he turned to assess the boy. He ruffled the strange boy’s already-messy hair as if in endearment. The boy only sobbed louder.

  
“Have you ever heard of water cure, brother?” Thor asked as he went about the room in search of something.

  
“What’s that? I’ve n-never—”

  
“That’s odd,” Thor faced him once again, with the end of a hosepipe in hand that he had connected to a nearby faucet. “I thought you liked history, and you have never heard of it. What books were you really reading up in your room, Loki?” Thor shook his head. “Why don’t I just show you? Open your mouth, brother.”

  
The boy trembled as he tried to move away and failed. He was tightly bound with pieces of rope around arms, hands, legs, ankles, torso, and hips. There was even one around his neck that prevented him from lifting his head. Thor’s poor victim tilted his head to the left and shut his eyes.

  
“You’re so adorable, brother. Most especially when you are helpless.” Thor chuckled. “I’ll make it easier for you.” Thor was prepared for this; he took out a clothespin from his jacket’s pocket and fastened it onto the boy’s nose, forcing him to open his mouth to breathe. Thor took the opportunity and shoved the hose into the boy’s mouth and down his throat as deep as he can, and then proceeded to turn on the faucet. The boy noisily choked as Thor held the hose in place, a hand tight over the boy’s mouth and jaw, as he watched his victim struggle. The boy’s stomach quickly inflated in just a few minutes, a balloon ready to burst.

  
When the boy was still and water was coming out of his nose, mouth, and ears, Thor felt his heart was full. He started with a cough and then it turned into fits of giggling. His eyes gleamed with unshed tears—tears that weren’t of sorrow but of pride. Pride for what he had accomplished so far. Lastly, before he could forget, he pulled out his knife and carefully chose which part of the boy to keep. He noticed his hands. The boy had slender fingers like Loki’s.

  
He realized that an ax would be a better tool to finish the job neatly and so he took one out of the closet far to his right. He weighed it in his large hands and pointed it at the boy’s wrists that had the raw marks of the ropes. No, he had to remember tonight. He inched the blade a bit more to his left and higher up the boy’s arm. Thor lifted the ax and swung with all his might.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've heard about Water Cure back in high school history class and I never forgot about it! It's a form of torture, popular during Medieval times. Sometimes they even punch/hit the stomach of the victim once it's filled with water (if they aren't dead yet, of course). There were many ways to do it (with the victim lying down or standing and tied up, etc.)


	4. The Monster Under the Bed

Loki was too brilliant for his age, and after two years of attending university, he graduated at age eighteen. At first, Thor didn’t want him to go to an actual school, but he was running out of answers and excuses to Loki’s questions on why he wouldn’t let him out of the house. Loki was too good at arguing and getting what he wanted. Eventually, after a week of Loki ignoring him, the brothers compromised: Loki will attend a university nearby and still come home after classes to their house. The beautiful young man squealed and threw his arms around Thor. Thor returned the warm embrace.

  
Loki spent most of his time at home for he only had a few classes in the morning. He had a double major in creative writing and literature, but it wasn’t enough for him. The young man educated himself as if he were eating his favorite dish. Thor thought that Loki’s learning was beginning to be excessive, but still he allowed Loki to take advanced piano lessons in the afternoon. _At least he didn’t ask to work at a diner or volunteer at the library,_ Thor supposed.

  
It was the summer after Loki graduated, and the brothers were under the sun. Loki was on his back on the sand, sunglasses on, scrolling through his phone. Thor bought it for him when he said he needed one in case of emergency—and research for school. His skin was starting to turn a peachy shade but the bottle of sunscreen was still lying untouched on his stomach.

  
“Loki, put on some sunscreen or you’ll burn. You’ve been lying there for fifteen minutes,” Thor said as he came back from a few minutes of swimming.

  
“Busy,” was Loki’s curt reply. Tricks was lying beside him and Loki rubbed one of his ears. The dog licked the side of his face in return.

  
Thor kicked the young man’s leg to get his attention. “Now, Loki.”

  
Loki sighed and obeyed.

  
When Thor noticed that Loki was struggling to apply some of the liquid onto his back, Thor took over the task. He started on Loki’s hips and moved upwards until he reached the nape of his neck. His fingers lingered there and Thor imagined strangling him, not the way he snapped the neck of his first victim but slowly. He watched Loki beneath him and his mind conjured images of his little brother choking. Loki’s eyes would roll to the back of their sockets as Thor tightened his grip, and then Loki—

  
“Thor!”

  
Thor blinked as he heard his name once more.

  
“You weren’t listening,” Loki frowned as he looked over his shoulder to his brother.

  
“Sorry. What was it that you were saying?”

  
Loki sighed then sat up. “I said I wanted you to meet my friends. You’ve never met any of them.”

  
Friends. Thor never considered the day Loki would have them, but it was inevitable; even the loneliest person in the world had at least one friend. Maybe he met them at the university. The library perhaps? He could imagine Loki approaching a stranger who happened to be reading one of the books he liked. He surely would have argued about the best twist or how a story should’ve ended.

  
“You’re right,” Thor said. Loki popped open a can of soda and handed it to Thor. “Thanks, Loki. So uh—when do you want me to meet them? And where?” He took a sip.

  
Loki looked at the distant horizon. He couldn’t see the end of it and he wished he could. “Can they come over?” he asked faintly. “If that’s okay,” he added.

  
“Sure, why not? How many are they? Ten? Twenty?”

  
Loki smiled. “Don’t be ridiculous, brother. Just four. Is that too many?”

  
“Four’s okay.” Thor shrugged.

 ***

Thor pulled the rope to tighten it, and sweat ran down from his scalp and coated his face. He didn’t expect that _this Loki_ would be heavy. He was as skinny as everybody else. But his built—his built was as perfect as Loki’s: a delicate long neck that was swan-like in grace, a back that arches like a young tree to the wind. He was muscular in just the right way. When Thor found him standing outside a bakery in town, it was the young man’s posture that first caught his attention: regal. He was king-like in the way he tilted his chin, but his eyes wouldn’t set on his companion’s face. He was coy with others. Just like Loki.

  
“So, brother, tell me; what are your friends like?” Thor leaned against the wooden table, assessing the now-awakening victim.

  
“Who-who are you?” The boy realized that he could not move and his eyes widened in panic. “W-what’s happening? Why am I tied up? Help! Somebody Help! HELP!” He started screaming.

  
Thor shoved him down by the neck. “Loki, let me repeat myself. Tell me about your friends. Are they older than you? You were taking advanced classes; I’m sure they weren’t your age. Were they kind? Did they ever pressure you?” The boy who was not Loki resumed screaming.

  
“Did they ever pressure you to drink? To cut classes? Did you lose your virginity to any of them?” Thor caressed the young man’s cheek with the back of his hand.

  
The boy shuddered.

  
“Let me tell you a story, brother,” Thor quietly said. “When I was younger, many years before you were born, I had a family. You didn’t get to meet them, but they were good. My mother, Frigga, she had the kindest smile and the softest hands. She always read me a story for bed time. She listened to all my troubles and hushed the monsters beneath my bed. Whenever she was around, I never heard their whispers; they respected her like a queen. My father, Odin, he was king-like then. He wasn’t the empty beast he now is—wherever he is, I hope I never know. Odin was fair. I had an older sister too. Her name was Hela. She was brave and strong. She was like a warrior that could protect me from all my enemies.” The victim whimpered, but Thor ignored him as a stray tear escaped down his own cheek.

  
Thor continued. “My sister, she was a few years older than me and we grew up together. She never left me alone. Wherever she went, I was there too. Even when she was in her senior year; she brought me along to parties to drink even though we were both underage. We even snuck into a couple of college parties, some were frat parties. She’s the coolest sister ever. I never enjoyed school because of the mean kids, but Hela made everything better. She got suspended a few times for kicking or punching them. There was one boy she stripped naked and locked in the girls’ room.” Thor laughed but it was half a sob. “Hela, when she made decisions, you could never change her mind. She wanted to be an actress. She loved the theater and the classic films! We sometimes watched Chaplin at home. I fell asleep every time we did and she would tell me what happened when I had woken up.” Thor cleared his Throat and the boy was still for the first time, listening carefully to his tale. “Mother loved Hela and her dreams, so she went to all the school plays, but father thought it was absurd.”

  
“When she graduated—valedictorian—she moved away to pursue her dreams and father disowned her. Odin told me that he was disappointed in her. She was an idiot, he said. I punched him and he punched me harder. I defended Hela like she did me. Two years later, a day before I graduated myself, we got a phone call from her. She was apologizing. She sounded drunk. Hela was failing at what she did best. Hela _never_ failed.” Thor’s voice started shaking. “I’ve never heard Hela cry like that. Her sobs were like a blade repeatedly burying itself into my heart and it reflected in my mother’s eyes. Do you know what Odin said?” The boy’s breath hitched, awaiting a blow that Thor might throw his way. “He insulted her, mocked her. He _laughed_ at her. Odin told Hela that she was too ambitious without the talent to accompany it.” Thor covered his face and turned his back to the table that held another Loki. “The next day we received another call. H-Hela—she jumped off her apartment building and died.”

  
When Thor had composed himself, he faced the boy again.

  
“Odin never came to her funeral; I was glad. Hela didn’t deserve a father like him. Odin started drinking, and he started hitting me. He shouted that I, too, was a disppointment, a wild animal that needed discipline. I stayed for another two years for my mother. I decided to attend a university nearby. I didn’t have friends; they all looked at my bruises—one time a broken arm. They didn’t want to get involved.”

  
Thor’s grip on the table tensed. “We eventually discovered that he was having affairs, and he didn’t bother denying them. Soon, he didn’t even hide them. He brought them home when mother and I were there. He blatantly fucked them for all to hear. Mother moved to Hela’s old room and I stayed there, too.” Thor paused, and when he resumed his voice was more hushed. “I came home from the university one day and found her lying on the floor. She wasn’t moving—wasn’t breathing. I drove her to the hospital in my old jeep but she was dead. They said she had a heart attack. For the first time that night, I attacked Odin first. The wall cracked when he stumbled and fell against it. I screamed and screamed that it was all his fault. I kicked the graying old man and he stood up and punched me back. The fucker didn’t show any remorse. He laughed. All he did was laugh. He told me how pathetic we all were.” Thor took a deep, shaky breath. “I almost killed him, Loki. I didn’t stop, but Heimdall came. He was a good friend of father’s. He stopped me and drove us both to the hospital. A few days later, I got mother’s remains cremated, and I moved away. I dropped out of college and transferred to a new one. I worked and worked, and went to school. I built everything from nothing and my mother’s ashes and my sister’s memories.”

  
Thor pulled the boy’s hair to force him to look into his eyes, and then he ran his fingers through the silky, night-sky waves. “Then the little shit that was you arrived. How wonderful! You, Loki, climbed out of the grave that I tried so hard to run away from. I was twenty-six and you were four years old. You were so young and innocent!” The boy’s lips trembled as he whimpered, and warm liquid started to pool on the table.

  
Thor crouched down by a low wooden crate beside the door and pulled out a couple of tools. The current victim spoke as calm as he could, “W-what are you going to do? Look, sir; I’m s-sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, but it’s not my fault. Please, sir, I don’t have anything to d-do with this.”

  
Thor was still rummaging through the box when he replied, “Oh Loki, brother, you have everything to do with it. You were born—blossomed from a cunt Odin fucked. Nothing good comes from Odin. You are too good to be true; surely you’ve come to destroy me.”

  
The blonde man stood and smiled. “Now, brother, I’ve told you before that back in art school I wasn’t so good with carving, sculpting—whatever you call it. I want to give it another try.” Thor held up his rusty tools and the boy hysterically screamed, “I’M NOT LOKI, YOU CRAZY MOTHERFUCKER! UNTIE ME!”

  
Upstairs, Tricks started barking in Loki’s room, and Thor was very displeased.

  
“You woke the dog up.” Thor pouted. “Bad, Loki. Big brother is disappointed with you. Do you think we should do something about the dog, too?”

  
The boy sobbed. Snot dripped from his noise as saliva bubbled at the side of his mouth.

  
“I really like you, kid.” Thor patted his head. “I shall keep you longer than the others.” There was a breath of silence before he spoke again. “Oh, by the way!” Thor said enthusiastically. “I bought a cheek retractor online! We could start carving around your teeth, brother. I have just the right size of chisel here.”

  
Thor went to work, slowly carving the boy’s life away.


	5. Accidents

Loki’s friends arrived at 10AM on a Saturday. Loki was very excited and Thor had never seen him like that before. He wore his best clothes—an olive green shirt Thor bought him for Christmas, dark, straight-cut jeans, and black lace-up boots. Thor looked his best as well, and Loki was very pleased. Thor lost count of how many times Loki had thanked him since they started preparing for Loki’s visitors. Even Tricks felt Loki’s energy, that he, too, bounced on his four, old legs as he followed the young man around.

  
Loki was sweeping around the living room and Thor was preparing the barbeque when the first of them arrived. The two had foreign accents that Thor couldn’t place. He invited them to sit in the gazebo, and Loki served their drinks.

  
“Brother, these are Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. They are twins. Wanda and I shared a few classes.” The girl had dark hair that glowed like autumn leaves under the sun, while his brother had hair as pale as moonlight. They didn’t look too alike.

  
“Hello. I’m Thor, Loki’s older brother. I hope Loki wasn’t a pain in the ass to deal with,” Thor jested and the twins smiled.

  
“Your brother’s really kind. He shares the same interests with my sister here,” Pietro said. “They love books like the things were gods; I could not keep up when they talk about Oscar Wilde and Shakespeare. I do not get it!”

  
“We’ve been handing you books to read so you can keep up, but you don’t even crack them open,” Wanda told his brother.

  
Two more arrived. Two, huge men who looked older than Loki and the twins. Thor assumed that if Wanda and Pietro were first-years, these two were seniors. Maybe they graduated with Loki.

  
“Hey, Steve!” Wanda greeted before taking a sip of her drink.

  
As they approached, the blonde one—Steve—immediately took Thor’s hand and introduced himself and his companion. He seemed confident without being arrogant, and Thor wondered how that was possible. “I’m Steve, and this is my fiancé, Bucky.”

  
Loki and the twins gasped. “Fiancé?” Pietro was the one who exclaimed.

  
Steve pulled Bucky to his side. “I proposed a few days ago, and he said yes.” Everyone congratulated the two as they found their places around the table.

  
Thor sat with them for a few minutes, getting to know the people Loki chose to surround himself with. Thor had to admit that they were nice. They reminded him of Hela’s friends, the ones he got to know. They seemed wild but not too much. Thor thought that Loki would do a lot of exploring life with them. The twins were deep thinkers who questioned everything. Steve was selfless and Bucky was protective.

  
Thor excused himself to retrieve his phone inside the house—an excuse he came up with to escape his company—when he heard Wanda whisper, “Why didn’t you invite you-know-who?”

  
Thor hid behind the kitchen door that was accessible from the gazebo to eavesdrop. There was a pause before Loki said, “I’m afraid Thor would not like Tony. He would go ballistic on me, if he found out about us.”

  
Loki was right.

  
Looking around the kitchen, Thor noticed a loose floorboard by the stove. He planned to replace the wooden floorboards with tiles, but Thor had other plans for now. Quietly, he went down to the basement and retrieved his claw hammer. When he came back, he attempted to pull out two of the nails loose but they wouldn’t come out, and so he took a knife and carefully wedged it in the space between boards. One of the old woods cracked, a good half of it lifting off the floor with the nails at an ideal angle. Thor immediately placed the hammer in one of the low cabinets and called for Loki.

  
Peeking outside, he called, “Hey, Loki. I have to make a phone call, and then I’ll start the barbeque. Will you drain the pasta?”

  
Loki stood up. “Of course, brother.” Thor watched him excuse himself before running upstairs.

  
He waited a good minute before he heard a shout followed by the scrambling of feet. Thor breathed in slowly and exhaled calmly before running to the kitchen and feigning worry.

  
There, on the floor, he found Loki, surrounded by his friends. Wanda gasped when she lifted the pot off Loki, burning her own hands. “Loki!” Thor called as he knelt before his brother. Bucky was quick and found a towel, and so was Steve who took a bowl out of a cabinet and filled it with cool tap water. Thor carefully peeled Loki’s shirt off and red, burnt skin was revealed underneath. He then lifted his brother in his arms. Loki clung to the front of his shirt as Thor carried him into the living room and carefully laid him upon the sofa. Loki was moaning in pain, his eyes shut too tight. “I’ll get some painkillers, brother.” Thor kissed the top of his head, and left Steve and Bucky to aid him. Pietro and Wanda were still in the kitchen when he returned. The pot and its pasta contents were on the sink. Some were still scattered on the floor and Pietro was picking them up with gloved hands. Wanda stood by the counter, asking his brother how she could help as she clutched her pained hand to her chest. Thor smiled as he pretended to search for the painkillers in the drawers and cabinets that he was sure didn’t keep them.

  
“What are you looking for?” Wanda asked.

  
“Painkillers for Loki. I forgot where I put them.”

  
Pietro looked up. “I have some. Here.” He took one out of his pocket and threw it at Thor.

  
“Thanks.” Thor caught it, filled a glass of water, and returned to Loki.

  
On his way, Thor thought, one down. He had many more ways to try. He grinned. As he came back to a now-calm Loki, he wiped the tear stains that still marred his younger brother’s face. “It’s okay, brother. You will be fine. Here, take this.”

  
Loki’s hand was shaking as he took the pill and the glass of water. After swallowing it down, Loki resumed crying, his voice trembling. “It hurts, brother.”

  
Thor kissed his forehead. “Should I send them home?”

  
Loki looked at Steve.

  
“We can stay; we can go. Whichever you want, Loki.” He smiled gently.

  
“Can they stay for a bit, Thor?”

  
Thor nodded. “Of course.”

  
Steve, Bucky, and the twins stayed until evening. Loki was happy to remain lying down in a fresh shirt, surrounded by his friends, as they watched a Jane Austen adaptation. Pietro helped Thor cook, while Steve and Bucky brought the dishes from the kitchen into the living room. Thor felt a pang of envy. He wished he had friends like them; someone who’s not as easily-stressed as Bruce to go for an adventure, and not as drunk as Valkyrie to remain awake when he needed a friend. The two were his best friends but they were never like Loki’s. They were different, and he didn’t see them as often as before. Thor missed them very much although he never admitted it to himself.

  
But he had more important things to think about than his two, absent friends.

  
That night, as Thor tied up his squirming brother by the feet and pulled the rope so the boy was hanging upside down, he considered who this Tony could be. He was sure that he was involved with Loki romantically.

  
Thor smiled as he cut his victim’s throat, and he watched when blood generously spilled down the boy’s face and hair and into the wide basin below. He had an idea, and Thor wondered how quickly one could die of grief.

  
_What should we do with you, Tony?_

 


	6. Unlock

Thor’s thoughts were a rushing river, carrying with it his troubles from the day he met Loki’s friends. Exhilaration laced with anxiety crawled down his spine as his skin wrapped around his body too tightly. He could not concentrate on his work before him. It had been three hours since he started brushing textured colors onto his digital sketch, and he was dissatisfied. He kept asking himself if anyone seemed distrustful of him due to the accident that occurred. Was it too careless for a man his age that it looked orchestrated? Thor was about to restart his work for the umpteenth time when arms wrapped around his shoulders.

  
Thor sighed. “Loki, what did I tell you about knocking?”

  
“Oh, sorry. Let me rectify that.” Loki ran out the door, and Thor rolled his eyes.

  
A second later, a knock came, and Thor said, “Yes?”

  
Loki entered, this time beaming. Thor turned his chair to fully face his brother. “I should ask how you are feeling and if your burn still hurts, but I know that look very well, Loki. You want something; now, do spill.” Thor grabbed his mug of coffee and took a sip of its warm contents.

  
“My burn feels better. But I think the first painkillers I took weren’t working, so I bought a different brand.” Loki lifted his shirt to show his older brother the damage that enveloped his right waist and disappeared into his sweatpants. The area around wasn’t too red anymore, and darkened skin had started peeling off, revealing a paler, sensitive layer beneath. Thor was very much delighted that Loki had to suffer the pain a little more; he replaced the pills with fake ones, of course. He couldn’t help it, and Thor gently ran his fingers down Loki’s burnt skin. Loki flinched, and Thor was sure that his brother must be feeling licks of electricity where Thor touched him.

  
“So, okay, you have to promise me that you won’t freak out.” The teenager looked very cautious like a vulnerable animal encountering its predator. Thor was amused that he made Loki nervous.

  
“You know that you’re twenty-two years older than me,” Loki began.

  
Thor arched a brow and went back to sipping his coffee. “And?”

  
Loki shut his eyes as he blurted out, holding his breath, “I’m dating someone, and he’s your age.”

  
“Lo—”

  
“Listen, Thor. He’s nice. Very intelligent and—”

  
“Wait, Loki. Hush for a second, will you?”

  
Thor stood up and made Loki sit on the chair he just vacated. He crossed his arms, staring at the boy for a full minute. Loki decided then that everything save Thor’s eyes was suddenly interesting as he squirmed in his seat. That detestable brown blanket that Thor liked? Its abstract pattern seemed like moving ducks now, quacking around the mud. The blue blob on the desk Thor called a vase? Loki saw the form of a dog in slumber. Anything could be fascinating when you’re trying to avoid the important matters at hand.

  
Thor cleared his throat, breaking the illusion of silence. Calmly he said, “First of all: ‘he.’ Loki, I didn’t know you were gay. You never told me—but that’s okay. That’s clear now, and I accept you for who you are.” Loki nodded. “Second, you’re dating a forty-year old. You don’t think that’s frightening? The age gap—never thought he might be taking advantage of you?”

  
Loki swiftly rose, almost falling off the cushioned seat. His voice was on the verge of rising when he replied, “See? I just told you he was forty, and you’re already judging him!”

  
“I am only worried about you. I’m your big brother.” _And I’m having so much fun aggravating you,_ was what Thor didn’t say. “Okay, tell me more about him. Sit back down.” Thor sat on his bed and Loki reclaimed his seat.

  
“He’s Bucky’s mechanical engineering professor. We met at an event Bucky insisted we attend with him. His name is Tony Stark. He sometimes talks a lot, but I love listening to him. I always learn something new when I spend time with him.” A hint of a smile pulled at the corners of Loki’s lips, and Thor felt the urge to wipe it off his face.

  
“How long have you been dating?”

  
“Six months.” Loki shrugged.

  
“Wow. _Six months._ That’s a long time to keep it from me, brother—oh, wait. You graduated only two months ago. Wasn’t that illegal that you were with him in the earlier four months?”

  
Loki fidgeted with a loose thread at the end of his shirtsleeve, pulling and then rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. “I’m sorry that I kept it from you, and no, it wasn’t. He wasn’t my professor—the faculty handbook stated that we could date. It was not encouraged but it was okay,” he meekly said. “And only a few people knew about us anyway,” he added.

  
“I wish you told me. I could have helped you dress up for your dates, or if you needed relationship advice, I could’ve given them to you. Anything, really. You’re my little brother.” Thor really didn’t care about who Loki dated, but he knew that Loki wanted to hear what he was saying. The truth is he _hated_ that Loki was not relying on him. He wanted to be the only thing that Loki depended on. He wanted Loki to remain powerless and weak without him, a house built upon loose sand, ready to crumble to its knees at any moment.

  
“Thank you, brother. This is all just too odd for me. I’ve spent years with only you, and then I started having friends and now a boyfriend. You must be a bit surprised because I know that I am,” Loki confessed.

  
“I want to meet this Tony Stark soon. Tell him that.” Thor pulled Loki to his feet and placed himself back in front of his computer. Without turning to the teenager who was now grinning too-hugely for his face, Thor said, “Now, get out before I change my mind.”

  
***

  
Thor pulled open the front door, and there stood a man dressed in a navy-blue, button-up shirt and dark jeans, holding a dainty white box in one hand and a piece of _artificial_ sunflower in the other. Thor was about to point the offending thing out when he noticed Steve and Bucky behind the man. Thor spoke, “I believe you two don’t have to be here. Are you guys dating my brother, too?”

  
Steve chuckled as Bucky immediately replied, “Oh, sorry; about that: we were on our way here when Tony saw us as he was buying a present for Loki, and he offered us a ride. I just wanted to return a book I borrowed from Loki.” He lifted the said object.

  
“And that book is A Brief History of Engineering and Technology? I was not aware that I was interested in the subject.” It was Loki who pointed it out before wrapping his beloved in his arms, and the older man’s face reddened. Loki giggled as he greeted, “Hello, darling.”

  
“Hi,” was Tony’s only reply.

  
“Sorry to ruin this whole charade,” Loki quietly said as he waved a hand, indicating Bucky and Steve’s presence. “But it’s obvious that it wasn’t a coincidence you saw them someplace and brought them here. Are you afraid, Mr. Stark?”

  
Thor cleared his throat, and Loki pulled away from Tony. “Inside, now,” Thor bellowed as he stepped back into the house.

  
“Your brother is… Is he always like that?” Tony asked and kissed the tip of Loki’s nose.

  
“Not really. You must be special, Anthony.” Loki snorted.

  
“We have to go, Tony. Good luck.” Steve clapped Tony’s back. As he and Bucky were walking away to leave, Steve added, “Hey, Loki! Take care of the old man.”

  
“Fuck you, Rogers!” Tony said before following Loki, hoping Thor didn’t hear him. He had no plans of ruining his first impression, although it already seemed a difficult start in persuading Thor to like him.

  
“No thanks, Tony. I have Bucky for that.”

  
***

  
There were no accidents today. Thor had nothing planned for he thought it was not the right time. Loki would certainly know that it was him that caused it if anything terrible happened to Tony. Thor made sure that almost everything went smoothly as he and Loki had discussed, and Loki was pleased—even though Thor was apparently trying to intimidate Tony.

  
“So, Stark, why a fake flower? Are real flowers too expensive in the market nowadays?” Thor challenged as he sat across the professor. Loki kicked his shin under the table, but Thor was glad to ignore it as he pushed a glass of water towards Tony. The three sat around the white dining table, on wooden chairs painted teal. Thor thought it would be best to welcome their visitor in that room where they could all sit up straight, because without a couch the lovers would have less reason to cuddle.

  
“Thank you; and no, Loki requested that I never buy him the real ones unless they are planted in soil—little ways to save the environment and all that stuff.”

  
“What do you teach? I heard you were Bucky’s professor.” Thor’s glare never left Tony’s face, even when the man looked at his brother affectionately. Silver hair crawled up Tony’s temples, Thor noticed. He had a few strands of his own, but they blended well with his golden crown. Tony didn’t bother to hide his, it seemed.

  
“Machinery courses mostly; machine design is my expertise.”

  
Thor nodded. “Why my brother? Isn’t he too young for you?” Thor continued interrogating as if Tony committed a crime. Well, he did. He took Loki from Thor; Loki who was supposed to adore only him; Loki who was Thor’s alone to bend and break.

  
“Thor!” Loki hissed, taking one of Tony’s hands in his lap and squeezing it. He expected this behavior from his older brother; Thor had warned him that he might treat Tony poorly at some point, but Loki didn’t think that Thor would test his patience and temper this much.

  
“What’s this?” Thor pulled the long, white box that Loki had before him, forgetting that Tony didn’t answer his question. It was the kind you slid open to reveal its contents. “Macarons?” Thor immediately took one into his mouth.

  
“Hey, that’s mine!” Loki made a grab for the box, but Thor held it closer to himself.

  
“Pistachio, huh? Did you know Loki’s allergic to them?” Thor said, mid-chew.

  
“I’ll buy you a different flavor next time," he said, facing Loki. "I’m sorry, love; I forgot.” He lifted Loki’s hand to his lips and gave it a lingering kiss.

  
“It’s okay.” Loki smiled sweetly before he stood up and pulled his boyfriend with him. His glare was throwing daggers at his brother. He didn’t need to tolerate this any further. “I’ll play you something on the piano, Anthony.” To Thor, he said, “Please do order us some pizza at 6, brother.”

  
Tricks welcomed the two as they entered the living room with Thor trailing behind them. The dog was now old and partially blind and preferred to spend most of his time on the couch nearest to the window, where the sun could warm his thick, dark coat. Loki took some time to rub the dog’s ears and Tony did the same. Tricks seemed to like Tony, and he showed it by licking the man’s knuckles.

  
Loki sat before his upright piano and motioned for Tony to follow. He moved to the right side of the antique bench to make room for the professor. Loki started playing.

  
Thor stood by the doorway, savoring what was left of the treats that were supposed to be Loki’s. He listened as the notes started dancing in the air, lifting the dust that coated the walls with some tune Thor could not name. Loki, Thor noticed, preferred compositions that sounded nostalgic or longing. The ones he usually played were sad but had a certain warmth to them that wrapped around a listener as if to give comfort that the player himself never experienced. Halfway through the piece, Tony took over playing the bass notes. He heard the man speak softly about his mother teaching him how to play when he was younger, and she was alive. The two slowed down, and Loki leaned his head against Tony’s shoulder as if to say, _I know you miss her. You are not alone; I’m here._

  
Over dinner, Thor learned more about Tony Stark. Surprisingly, Loki was the one who first pursued him. He was skeptical about getting involved with a student, but Loki proved to be stubborn. Loki carried Tony’s things to and from classes whenever his schedule permitted and sneaked little notes between the pages of Tony’s books and journal. The professor confronted Loki to tell him to stop flirting with him, but Loki pulled him into an alcove in the library and—Thor didn’t need to know what happened next.

  
The man was married once, and his wife died during childbirth along with the baby. That was fifteen years ago. It was one of the reasons why he didn’t want to be with anyone; Tony Stark was afraid of losing another person he loved. Loki proved to him that he will stay, and Tony finally gave in completely. He said he had moved on from the death of his wife and child, and Tony assured Thor that there was nobody else but Loki for him.

  
At sunset, Thor sat at the gazebo, watching the couple run across the shore. Loki pulled Tony by the hand as sand and salt water swallowed up their ankles in various shades of blush and bruise. Thor had never seen Loki that happy before. He laughed and laughed, even when he tripped and fell with Tony. Loki was quiet growing up. It was only Tricks he whispered his secrets to, and when he wanted to be heard he ran his fingers across keys of black and white. But in that moment, Thor heard Loki’s existence, loud and clear.

  
***

  
Thor was still up by midnight, deleting files in his computer to pass time. No, he initially didn’t plan to harm anyone resembling Loki for another month. He immensely enjoyed ending the last one’s life when he leisurely smashed every single bone in the victim’s body. Thor was satiated for now.

  
But decisions could change.

  
Tony Stark was staying the night for Loki had insisted. Thor didn’t want to agree, but he could tell by the threatening look Loki sent his way that the teenager would not speak to him for a week or two if he refused to let the man stay; sometimes Thor just wanted to gouge out those globes of green when Loki used them as weapon to get what he wanted. It’s okay; he could annoy them in the morning. Thor could also map ways of killing Loki while the two slept in the room across from his. It was titillating to Thor to think of Loki discovering his secrets. Would Loki run or hide? Would he fight him if he knew? Thor had killed twenty-five people in the last six years. With the number of clients hiring him to illustrate comic panels and covers, he didn’t have much time to murder more—especially now that Loki’s friends could recognize him in the streets; he had to be more careful. At least some of his victims lasted a couple of days for him to play with longer. But no matter how much time they spent under his mercy, Thor never remembered any of their names nor their exact features. All he saw was Loki.

  
Loki lying helpless.

  
Loki screaming.

  
Loki bleeding.

  
Loki gasping for the breath his lungs would not receive.

  
Thor was thinking of ways to make his next victim beg him to be killed sooner when he heard a foreign sound—one he had never heard in their house. He stepped out of his room. Walking across the pitch-black hall in his white shirt and red pajama bottoms, Thor moved with stealth. The sound was coming from Loki’s room. It was muffled like a squeak of a mouse in the cold corner, a shift in the shadows.

  
Carefully, Thor lifted a key from his pocket— _the only key_ he kept close to his body all the time. With it he unlocked the door to Loki’s room.

  
“Are you sure about this?” Tony whispered in the dark. “I think your brother can hear us.”

  
“Shut up, Stark! You are killing me,” Loki whispered back.

  
Thor inched the door open and was not surprised by the sight: Loki was on his stomach, his sweats and underwear around his knees as Stark buried his face between his cheeks. The sky was moonless that night, but there was a veil of blue light that lingered, illuminating the lovers’ act.

  
Thor could not help but watch.

  
He didn’t miss it when Stark stripped, and the man’s slicked fingers disappeared into Loki’s tight heat. Thor didn’t blink when the older man buried his length inside Loki who cried out. There was nothing but Loki’s tortured pleas in Thor’s ears, synchronized to the pounding that echoed in his ribcage. Thor memorized the unease that distorted Loki’s beautiful features into something divine: the furrowing of his brows that Thor wanted to brush with his thumbs, the arching of his hips like a steep hill that Thor wished to climb, and his long fingers grasping at the sheets too harshly as if letting go would end his life. Loki was destruction coalesced with rebirth. Thor traced the soft flesh with his eyes, following the caress of Tony’s hands across his brother’s glistening skin. Thor ached when Loki begged his lover to fuck him—to use him, and he felt a swelling below that he had not felt in a long time. He saw Loki’s member hanging untouched between his legs, and Thor imagined running the tip of his finger around it’s slit just to hear his brother mewl.

  
Thor swallowed down a groan the moment Stark turned Loki to lie on his back and held the younger one’s cream-like thighs to his chest, Loki’s legs over his shoulders, and Loki took his lover’s hand to rest at the base of his neck. “Choke me, Anthony,” Loki whispered as a tear escaped the corners of his eyes. Thor wanted nothing but to lick that trace of salt. “Hold me still while you fuck me.”

  
“I-I don’t want to hurt you,” gasped Tony in reply.

  
Tony Stark eventually gave in when Loki scowled and protested, “Pull out if you won’t.” Thor only hardened more as he watched his brother lying defenseless, Tony tightening his grip around his young lover’s delicate neck—and how badly Thor wanted to crush that neck. Loki yanked Tony by the front of his hair and the two exchanged a bruising kiss. Thor heard the passing of breath from one mouth to another, and he felt heat crawl up his own torso.

  
“Anthony!” At last, when Loki came in time with Tony spilling inside him, Thor ran back into his room, not caring if his feet thudded against the floorboards. He leaned against the locked door and pulled down his trousers; it only took Thor a few seconds to stroke himself into a quiet but messy completion.

  
In that moment, when the ringing in his ears had subsided, thunder and lightning coiled around the void in his chest, and there was no turning back for him. Thor found a new danger to dive into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was supposed to upload this along with a few other chapters tomorrow or on Friday, as promised, but I wanted to give you a chapter because I thought I'm making you wait too long?
> 
> Also, this will most likely end with 9-10 chapters instead of 7, just letting you know. So, I might be uploading over Saturday-Sunday, too, if I'm unable to write everything by Friday.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :) Remember to be kind in the comments section. xx


	7. Unearthing Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here's a break-ish from all the creepy/messed up things. I intended for this chapter to be dark as well, but as I was writing it, it kept growing longer so I decided to split its original outline into 2-3 chapters. Haha. Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you have questions, prompt suggestions, etc., you may reach me at franchescapism.tumblr.com . Please be nice. xx

The waves cradled the sun’s gentle light from the lilac horizon to the shore’s white noise, and the sea-side home impregnated with uninterrupted silence would soon be flooded by sorrow.

Thor stirred in his sleep, the claws of a phantom weighed his chest down as he dreamt of his mother walking, her dress billowing around her. Beside her was Hela, her porcelain face framed by waterfalls cascading in the night. The two held each other’s hand as they moved farther from Thor. Thor called out, but they didn’t turn. They continued towards a red-brick house without a door in sight. Its windows were shuttered, and light was not welcome here. Barefooted, Thor caught up to them with his feet bleeding against gravel; the grass had withered, and no life spun into being in this dream of his.

“Mother! Hela!” Thor tried again. He pulled at Hela’s arm and she finally faced him. Thor was taken aback.

Half of his sister’s face was crooked, and a portion of her skull was bashed in, but she was still the most beautiful young woman Thor had ever seen. She smiled, and it was all Thor needed to sink into the deep, dark pool of his harshest memories.

“Home. Are you finally home, my love?” Frigga reached out to cup his face, and Thor noticed the blue, thread-like veins that ran under her ashen skin. Thor wanted nothing but to yield to her arms that promised lullabies and healing. Thor missed her so much that he fell to his knees and she with him. Frigga kissed each of his closed eyes, lifting his face in her hands for him to fully look at her. Thor rested his forehead against his mother’s as he took a quivering breath.

“Thor,” Hela finally spoke, and her voice was the kindness after a storm. She looked so tired under all the blood that drenched her as if she was deprived of sleep for a hundred years. “Do you remember your way home?” She, too, knelt before him and took one of his hands.

“I have no home,” Thor moaned. “There is nothing left.”

Hela ran her fingers through Thor’s golden hair and down his tear-stained cheek, and she muttered, “There is _always_ something left.”

Hela and Frigga shattered, and Thor heard the breaking of their bodies as blood pooled around him. The crimson spread, and where it reached grew wild flowers and fresh grass tainted red. Thor looked up, and a polished white door materialized on the brick wall. Frigga’s earlier question lingered in the air: _Are you finally home?_

***

After all the longing that visited Thor in his sleep, the illustrator was not pleased to be woken up by his younger brother’s wailing from the other room. It was 7AM and silken light was gradually tumbling overhead. Thor endured the noise for an hour before getting up from bed and knocking. There he found his younger brother curled around Tricks, the dog unmoving. Loki’s whole body trembled in his ochre-yellow pajamas that looked too bright for this occurrence.

Instead of clinging to his older brother like Thor was used to, Loki covered his head with his blanket and immediately reached for his phone on the bedside table to call Stark. Of course, he was going to call him. Thor sat beside Loki’s form, listening to the teenager’s muffled side of the conversation underneath the green textile.

It had been three months since Thor met the engineering professor, and he avoided going out at night and indulging in his devilry. How could he when Loki’s beloved frequently visited, putting Thor on edge? Every time he thought he heard the couple messing around in the other room, Thor put on his earbuds to listen to music at its loudest. He then went to sleep or worked, rejecting the images that flashed in his mind of Loki sprawled in bed beneath _him._ Thor half-wished he could put a hidden camera in Loki’s room to record everything he did, including his sexual activities with Stark, but Loki cleaned his space and moved things around a lot. The teenager liked redecorating for he despised the presence of dust and easily got bored of staring at the same view for a short span of time. He would easily notice whatever device Thor could have installed.

An hour later, Thor looked out their floor-to-ceiling windows downstairs, his favorite coffee mug in hand, and saw Tony arrive uphill in a taxi cab. The professor ran down the sun-drenched sand, his perfect posture never marred by haste. Before he could knock on the door, Thor pulled it open and greeted the man with a scowl.

“Where’s Loki?” Tony asked, almost breathless.

“In his bedroom. Why are you here? I thought you had classes on Wednesdays.”

Tony rushed pass Thor and up the wooden stairs as he nonchalantly replied, “I cancelled them.”

From his place by the window, Thor saw when the man knocked on Loki’s door and it swung open. Loki was soon wrapped in his lover’s arms and he wasted no time as he burst into uncontrollable sobs. Thor took a sip of his coffee.

When Loki had calmed down, Thor and Tony joined him in the backyard to bury Tricks. The sun was high in the clear skies, but the shade of various trees shielded them from its direct light. Loki was still in his sleepwear when he wrapped the shadow-like body in the dog’s favorite worn-out blanket of mauve and purple threads.

Where they stood was the backyard, and Thor hoped Loki won’t frequent the area to mourn for across them was his favored entrance to the basement. Thor’s _workspace_ had another door accessible inside the house. Both doors had keypad locks, and additional bolts were placed on their surfaces within the four walls of the room for added security when Thor was busy.

Thor dug up a pit, and when it was deep enough, Tony lowered Tricks’s body. Thor poured gasoline all over it, and Loki lit up a match, insisting that he wanted to be the one to send him to a safer place.

The three watched the fire consume what was once Loki’s friend, and the waves sang their ode as the young man wept once more.

***

Thor left Loki with Stark in the afternoon for Valkyrie and Bruce wanted to catch up over coffee; Bruce had insisted he didn’t want to drink because he had to go to the hospital afterwards. Thor expected Tony to prepare food for his brother for Loki still had not eaten since he woke up, but the man pulled out his phone to have some food delivered.

“I’m not really that good of a cook,” he said, “and I’d rather not leave Loki.” Tony smoothed out Loki’s hair from his forehead as the young man laid his head upon his lap. An indie film played on screen but was ignored by the couple. Thor agreed and let the man do what he can.

Loki finally spoke after hours of crying. “Anthony, can we go out, too?”

“If that will make you feel better then we could. But I left my car at the repair shop, so we would have to walk or take a cab. That okay with you, Snowflake?”

Loki twitched his nose. “I’ll think about it. I don’t feel like getting up.”

Stark immediately stood up, turned off the film they weren’t really watching, and started playing some vinyl record on the turntable. “Stand up, love,” the older man instructed as he pulled his young lover to his feet.

“Anthony, what are you doing? Thor’s watching us.” Loki half-heartedly protested as he started grinning. His eyes were still red and welling up with tears, but Loki was fighting off the sadness as he sniffled. Tony was able to persuade Loki to change out of his pajamas. He was now wearing a striped shirt of black and blue and a pair of brown shorts.

The two started swaying in each other’s arms, cheek to cheek. Tony hummed along to a song Thor didn’t really like, and Loki closed his eyes. Thor was invisible in that moment as the lovers got swept up in a world that belonged to them alone. They were trapped inside one of the scenes in Loki’s books, magical and iridescent.

But Thor was a cruel man and interrupted them as he left, saying, “Hey, you two! If you’re going to mess around, keep it in Loki’s room. I don’t want to find any unlikely fluids around here.”

Thor expected Loki’s face to redden in embarrassment, but his brother kept his body tucked against his lover’s as he mumbled, “Get a girlfriend, Thor.”

If only Loki knew what he wanted.

***

Thor drove in his polished, red truck to the other side of town.  Thor’s surgeon friend suggested they meet at the new Idunn’s Infinity, a café that promised to serve healthier options for coffee and desserts. Bruce said the establishment served apple coffee cake and mangosteen-infused coffee, one of their bestsellers that he tried on his first visit.

When he arrived, Thor immediately spotted Bruce and Valkyrie sitting at a wicker table outside, Valkyrie already spiking her drink. The place looked like a garden, and it seemed to please most of its customers that a lot of them chose to linger outdoors. A minimal black logo with white text was installed above the glass door. Outside, electric-blue-painted pots hung on one white wall to Thor’s left, and all the surrounding furniture were made of wicker and solid wood. Jazz music filled the shop with its seductive and longing language. _Loki would love it here,_ Thor thought.

“Hey, Thor!” Bruce greeted when he noticed him approach. He always wore colors that he thought would keep him serene—sky blue, sea-foam green, and others alike. Today his shirt was a very pale shade of lavender.

Valkyrie lifted her coffee cup in a toast. “Finally, you showed up. Found a babysitter for Loki?” she teased.

Thor shrugged. “Yeah, he found a boyfriend.”

“Let me guess: you made it difficult for you and the boy to get along?” Bruce said.

Thor sat on the third chair and clasped his hands together on the table in front of him. “I don’t think I was able to intimidate him; he’s at our house every week. And he’s not a boy; he’s so much older than Loki.”

Valkyrie gasped and said, “Did Little Loki get himself a daddy?”

“Val, you can’t say things like that!” Bruce whined, scrunching up his face. “He’s just a kid.”

“Already said it, Brucie. Already did.”

The two have only met Loki a few times when he was younger. Whenever Bruce and Valkyrie visited, Loki chose to lock himself in his room. He said he’s scared of Bruce because he’s too smart and thought he couldn’t have a proper conversation with the doctor. Meanwhile, Valkyrie kept offering the kid a drink. Thor didn’t stop her, thinking Loki suffering from a hangover would be delightful. Loki did get drunk at age eleven and vehemently avoided alcohol since then, trying to forget that one morning when he cried due to a terrible headache and missed his lessons.

“So, how are you guys?” Thor asked sincerely.

Valkyrie took a mouthful of her coffee and swallowed it down before speaking, “I got suspended from the show. They told me I’m too drunk and should go to therapy.” Valkyrie was a news anchor, one of the best at their network company. She was frequently assigned to discuss Thor’s crimes unbeknownst to her.

“I’m sorry about that, Val,” Bruce said, and the woman lifted her hand to caress his cheek and show that she appreciated him. “Anyway, I’m fine,” he said to Thor. “But there’s a new guy at the hospital who’s very irksome. He’s very arrogant.”

“Is this the Strange-guy you told me about?” Thor asked.

“Yes, that one! He thinks he knows everything and walks the halls as if he owns the whole building,” Bruce replied as he sliced his green piece of cake with a fork. “Why don’t you buy a cup of coffee, some pastry, or some cake, Thor? I think you’ll like their mixed-berry latte.”

“Yeah, I think I would. Be right back.”

Thor pushed the glass door open and was greeted by the enticing scent of coffee and sweets. The walls inside were white save for the farthest one to Thor which was a deep blue. The said wall held white wooden shelves filled with books, and a kid was standing on a chair to reach one of those on top. Glass balls of light danced above Thor like those elegant jellyfish Loki used to watch on TV when he was six. Thor got distracted by them that he almost trampled the poster standing before him that promoted a custom nine-layered cake of various flavors. It’s called Yggdrasil. _A cake for all the realms,_ it said under the product’s name. An additional note was placed inside a black circle about extra charge for dairy-free or vegan options. Thor was intrigued that he considered buying it for his brother’s next birthday.

“How many years has it been since I last saw you? Twenty?”

Thor looked to his left and was met by a kind smile from one of the most genuine people he knew. He admired this man very much when he was younger, and he never thought he’d see him again.

“Heimdall.” Thor smiled and pulled the man into the warmest embrace. “How have you been?”

Heimdall used to live alone in a shabby bungalow next to the Odinsons’ home when he was in college, working multiple jobs to earn money. He said he hated the thin walls of dorms and apartments, so he strived to get a house to rent. He fixed cars, walked dogs, and tutored high school students on his free time. He used to teach Thor how to play the guitar and helped Odin fix things around their house. Thor’s parents liked him very much that they insisted on paying him although Heimdall was reluctant to accept money at first. Thor followed him around after school, talking the man’s ear off about superheroes and the bullies at school. When Thor reached junior high school, it was Heimdall who helped him with girls. The man taught him what to wear and what to say. Besides Hela, Heimdall, too, was Thor’s best friend until he moved away a year before Thor’s older sister left. Thor felt very lonely without the two of them.

Thor’s friend looked very much like the one in his memories, with long hair styled in the same dreadlocks, only now it was graying, and Heimdall’s eyes crinkled more around the edges when he smiled.

“I’m good. I just visited a friend who lives around the corner. I’m on my way home. You?”

“I’m out with my friends. You should meet them.”

Thor never thought that he would be glad to see someone from his past. He imagined encounters such as this to be like unearthing old bones from forgotten graves, painful and destructive to those who tried their hardest to heal.

“I would love to, but I wouldn’t want to stay for long and interrupt your time together,” said Heimdall as the two of them placed their orders—classic black coffee and a cream puff for Heimdall and strawberry latte for Thor. “Also,” Heimdall’s tone softened, “before I forget, I spoke to your father a few months ago. I don’t mean to sour your mood, but he told me everything that had happened since I left. I think you should talk to him.”

“Did he tell you about Hela and mother? What about Loki?”

“Yes, he told me about them,” Heimdall sighed, his face frowning in understanding. “You don’t have to forgive him; just listen.”

“I’ll think about it,” Thor replied as they were handed their orders. The misery he was trying to tamp down was surfacing and Heimdall noticed.

“I know we haven’t seen each other in years, but Thor, do you trust me?” His old friend asked, just like he did too many times before when they were younger, and their enemies were more physical and weaker than the monsters that ruined them now from the inside out. Thor was reminded of how Heimdall lifted his fears and challenged him. He recalled the man pushing him to visit a girl he liked at her house. Her name was Jane Foster, and Thor thought she was brilliant. That day Heimdall drove him to her house, and Thor handed her a bouquet of blue roses. They dated for two years until both Jane and him left their little town, parting like a lot of lovers did after graduating from their senior year.

“What’s taking you so long, Thor?” Bruce interrupted as he entered the store. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you had company,” he added when he noticed Thor’s older friend.

“It’s okay. I’m Heimdall.” He reached his hand out and Bruce took it in his. “I used to live next to Thor’s family when he was skinny.”

Bruce chuckled as he introduced himself, “I’m Bruce. Thor and I went to the same university.”

Heimdall spent an hour with Thor, Valkyrie, and Bruce. He was wiser with age, and Thor had expected it. He easily got along with Thor’s two other friends, and the four of them left Idunn’s to walk around the park.

Suddenly, Thor was reminiscing nothing but the good things he shared with these three friends of his. They talked about the most humiliating pranks and one-night-stands. Thor divulged locking Bruce up with Valkyrie in a broom closet at the university because Bruce was too shy to admit to Val his feelings. When he finally confessed, the woman only rejected him, saying that she preferred girls too. Bruce defended himself by insisting that he wasn’t even hurt then, but Thor told them that Bruce didn’t leave his dorm room for a whole day until Thor picked his lock and saw him drunk and crying on the kitchen floor.

“You know what Bruce said?” Thor asked. “He said, ‘I couldn’t get my pancakes right. Maybe that’s why girls don’t like me.’ And he held a bowl of batter in his arms, cradling it like a child as he stirred the liquid with a fork.’” Thor laughed. “You were the cutest, Brucie.”

“I hate you, Thor,” Bruce said half-heartedly, a blush creeping up his neck and face.

Like most adults who gather, they eventually discussed their careers. Heimdall told them that he owned a three-story building; his bookstore occupied the two floors above while the gym was located beneath it. He said he wanted people to have a sound mind by being physically and mentally active. Bruce was interested in visiting the bookstore and Val the gym.

When their cups were all empty and it was time for Heimdall to go, Thor walked his friend to the park’s exit, leaving the other two to wait by the tall slide. Valkyrie was having fun as she repeatedly made her way through the serpentine-like structure. Bruce only watched the intoxicated woman from the bench nearby.

“You have good friends, Thor,” Heimdall said with a wave to Bruce and Valkyrie from afar. “Keep them. They need you as much as you need them. I know you’re hurting because of what happened to your family, but you’ll be okay. You’ll heal—eventually; it’s a long process. Never push away the people who love you the most; they’ll pull you out if you ever arrived at a point of caving into yourself.”

“Thank you, Heimdall. Will we see each other again?”

“Yes, certainly. We still have so much to talk about. Here.” Heimdall handed Thor a business card with his name in gold text and his details in white beneath it. “You three should give me a visit some time. My building’s a two-hour drive from here, but I hope it’ll be worth it.”

Thor watched his friend’s back as the man walked away under the sun, the harsh light swallowing up his dark hair. Abruptly, as if remembering one last thing, Heimdall turned to him and asked, “Thor! Do you trust me?”

Thor’s face split into the brightest and most genuine smile he had ever displayed in the last two decades, and warmth knocked on his empty chest, hoping to be welcomed once more. “Yes. Always, Heimdall.” Thor meant it.


	8. Skin to Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
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> Here's Skin to Skin, a.k.a. Unearthing Bones part 2 of 3. Lol. Hope you like it. :)
> 
> Also, just a heads-up: **this chapter contains dubious consent.** :(

Loki seemed odd lately, Thor observed. Yes, he had been spending more and more time with Stark, but when he was not clinging to his boyfriend for dear life, Loki was following Thor around like a shadow. He used to do this a lot as a kid when he wasn’t in the mood to read and was utterly bored, but Loki had not done it since he was twelve.

Thor was both annoyed and aroused as Loki randomly wrapped his arms around Thor whenever they’re in the same room nowadays, pressing his face to the blond man’s back, and Thor either freed himself or ignored the gesture, letting it last until something else caught Loki’s attention. The older Odinson sibling brought it up over breakfast one day, and the younger only said that he was feeling lonely without Tricks. The house seemed bigger for Loki without the dog, and the whistling of the wind filled most of the space around him. Thor ruffled Loki’s hair that now flowed below his shoulders. He understood what the young man was feeling for he was familiar with that same cruel loneliness that only grew drastically inside him each time one of his loved ones went away.

But upon taking his hands from Loki’s dark waves, Thor felt the urge to yank it back and leave a mark just below Loki’s ear, but one was already occupying that surely-sensitive spot thanks to Stark’s ministrations. Loki noticed Thor blatantly staring and so he consciously combed his locks over that side of his neck with his fingers. He also pulled at the collar of his floral shirt, adjusting it a bit higher around his neck.

“I see…you’re having so much fun with Stark,” commented Thor before shoveling a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth without looking away from the offending spot. Thor was never envious of the relationship his brother had with Tony Stark; what bothered him was the power the man had over Loki. That dominance was supposed to be Thor’s.

Loki cleared his throat and sat up straighter, composing himself, then nonchalantly said, “Oh, yes; he’s very talented.” Thor choked on his food, not expecting his brother’s answer. He never thought that such words would ever slip out of Loki’s perfect mouth—oh, how Thor would love to bruise that mouth. Loki laughed earnestly, his green eyes glittering in the faint sunlight trapped in the gazebo they stayed at.

The steady crashing of the waves punctuated Loki’s laughter, and the brothers returned to eating their meal in silence. After a beat, Thor spoke once again. “How’s the book you’re writing?”

“It’s going well. I’m halfway through.” Loki replied midchew. “Brother, by the way, I was thinking of getting a job to help you around with the expenses. I could work as a project-based content writer while I’m finishing my book. The pay wouldn’t be much at first, but I just want to help.”

Thor nodded. “That’s good. You should, Loki. I’m getting tired of your moping anyway.” Thor grinned and Loki glared back. He couldn’t help it and so Thor pinched his brother’s cheek until the teenager yelped. “Poor baby Lolo,” Thor teased as Loki soothed the throbbing of his cheek with his hand.

“It would be good for you; you’ll learn things you never thought you needed,” Thor stated his approval. He then pushed Loki’s hand away from his face and gently rubbed the tender skin with the pad of his thumb. How nice would it be if Thor ran his tongue on it instead?

“Brother, do you have anything you need urgently done today?” Loki sipped his tea, and it filled his chest and belly with a comforting warmth. He loved Earl Grey tea, especially with a lot of milk and no sugar, pairing it with almost anything.

“No. Why do you ask?” Thor replied, tilting his golden head in a ponytail.

“I was thinking that maybe we could spend the day together. Just the two of us—like old times,” Loki suggested, hoping Thor would say yes. “I just realized that whenever Stark and my friends are around you almost shut me out,” Loki started to explain. “It’s like you’re trapped in your own thoughts although you try to spend time with us.” He paused. “Are you not glad that I made friends?”

 _Yes._ “No, I am very glad, Loki. Like you said before, it’s just very strange to have other people around. Give me more time, okay?” Thor pushed away his now-empty plate and grabbed his mug.

Loki nodded in understanding. When he was finished with his toast and eggs, he asked again, “So, will you spend the day with me?”

Thor swallowed down what remained of his coffee. “What do you have in mind?”

***

“I don’t mind shopping, but I thought you had some better idea. Did you drag me here just to pay for what you’ll get?” Thor feigned a frown as the two walked inside the mall. The place was not too crowded for it only just opened for the day, and Thor was glad that there weren’t many children running around shrieking and being chased by their desperate and frustrated parents. Light crowned the brothers from the narrow windows high above the walls and the artificial source that were entombed in bulbs and sockets. Loki’s pupils exposed themselves like deep wells no one would want to escape once they dove in.

“Maybe,” Loki said. “I saw this gorgeous pair of jeans that would look well with these sneakers of mine.” Loki lifted his foot to show one of the gray shoes he had on. Thor was about to believe him when he beamed. “I’m only jesting, Thor.”

Loki remained in his navy-blue shirt speckled with little white daisies, but nobody would notice it under the brown lace-up hoodie that he covered it with. He also exchanged his green sweats for dark jeans. Thor’s brows furrowed. He thought Loki could’ve matched his outfit with a better pair of shoes. Maybe he’d buy him a new pair after all.

“Seriously, Loki, what are we to do here?”

Loki grinned and dragged Thor to buy a simple camping tent that could fit two to three people, two sleeping bags, and a Scrabble board game—a game Thor never knew how to win. Thor hated losing, but Loki seemed very pleased with himself for the items he picked as he pushed the cart carrying their new belongings, the wheels stuttering through the tiled floor.

“We haven’t done this since I was little—camping, I mean,” Loki said as Thor paid with his credit card. Thor kindly smiled at the cashier and thanked her but never missed the boy that passed a few meters away from him. Loki was distracted by a couple of messages in his phone and didn’t notice the figure that caught Thor’s attention.

The young man looked like Loki.

Thor knew him—not by name, of course—but by his prominent appearance. He was the kid from the bookstore a few blocks from here. He always wore black clothes and tied his hair up in a bun at the nape of his neck. He had multiple piercings on his left ear and none on his right, a thread earring hanging from his left lobe. Thor started flirting with him last month, and it seemed the boy had a death wish when he gave his number to Thor. They exchanged a few messages, and this Loki made his intentions known that he wanted to sleep with Thor. Thor was very delighted, but he knew how to wait.

Loki had to beg for it.

Thor made a note to himself that he’ll send him a text message tonight. He had a couple of disposable phones for when he could not resist getting closer to his victims. Just a little smile, an act of kindness, and a little flirting and they never resisted. They _always_ took the bait, not knowing that they were introducing themselves to their own graves that someone else had intimately designed for them. This was the game Thor knew how to win.

***

At night, after a scrumptious takeout dinner of shawarma and three rounds of scrabble, the brothers decided to dip into the twinkling, dark sea. Leaving their new tent and sleeping bags near a weakening bonfire at shore, Loki stripped off his clothes save for his boxer shorts, and Thor did the same. Their bodies glowed silver in the moonlight, but Loki’s paler skin was tinted a bit blue. The young man was mesmerizing to behold as his legs then his torso slowly submerged into the cool waters.

Loki went farther and farther in, his back to Thor, until only his shoulders gleamed in the moonlight like two delicate shells. Thor blinked, and Loki was floating on his back. He blinked once more, and it was as if Loki’s hair had coalesced with the stygian waves and he was a part of the great reflective beast.

“Thor! Come here,” shouted Loki with his eyes closed. Thor swam towards his brother, and his blonde hair freed itself from its tie. Abruptly, the older brother pulled his sibling underwater, the two turning beneath in a playful but violent twist of arms and legs and lax current.

When they have resurfaced, Loki coughed up salt water before pushing at Thor’s chest. “I hate you! That was scary, you idiot! What were you thinking?” he shouted, and Thor returned it by pulling Loki to him in a warm embrace. Loki was dumbfounded. To Loki, Thor showed his kindness through his generosity, providing everything the teenager needed and wanted; he was never the brother who initiated this kind of warmth.

“Loki,” Thor whispered his name almost like a prayer. “Will you leave me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you?” Thor only repeated his plea, slightly pulling away to meet his favorite pools of green. Loki sighed and finally wrapped his own arms around Thor’s torso, resting his chin on his brother’s shoulder. “No. I’ll always be here, brother. I’m not going anywhere,” Loki replied. Thor felt a smile in his voice. “But if I ever go, I’ll make sure to bring you with me—I promise.”

Thor was relieved.

***

“Hey, Thor? Why do you never talk about them?” Loki asked when they were back in their tent and wrapped in thick towels. The brothers sat by the opening, the newly-lit fire brushing their features orange as Thor turned a skewered piece of marshmallow around the flames. He knew what Loki was referring to: his parents and the past his brother never knew. Loki seldom asked about them when he was younger. Thor did his best to ignore his question, and the boy eventually stopped.

Thor handed the roasted treat to Loki, and the younger one sandwiched it with three, little square pieces of chocolate in between graham crackers. Loki hated marshmallows, but they were tolerable when melted and prepared like this, if there was more chocolate than the gooey white thing. They were too soft and squishy for his liking, and Loki disapproved of the way they felt in his mouth.

“Stop wrinkling your nose,” Thor commented when he noticed Loki’s disgust as he made his little snack. “You’re the only person I know who dislikes mallows.”

 _Odin lied about this when he said Loki only loathed beans,_ Thor thought as he skewered three bits for himself.

“You evaded my question again, Thor. When will you talk about them?” Loki asked.

Thor huffed before facing Loki. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he kindly said. “Some things are meant to be forgotten. It’s best to not speak about them.”

Loki’s face crumbled. “But I deserve to know, Thor. I was too young when you took me in. I don’t remember them. They’re my parents too. I don’t even know what they look like!” Loki shouted in frustration, and a lone tear escaped a corner of his eyes. He pressed his thumb and forefinger against his eyelids and began to rub the tears away, only smearing their wetness on his cheeks as they helplessly flowed. Loki’s breath hitched in an inhale and shuddered when he released it.

Thor was bewitched by his vulnerability, and so the older man took Loki in his arms, his towel falling off his shoulders and the marshmallows left to burn. He sat behind Loki and combed his brother’s hair away from his face to freely flow behind. Loki was almost as tall as him now but seemed so small in Thor’s arms in that moment. He grew up so graceful and clever and a little stubborn, a young man meant for greatness, but deep inside Loki was still that wide-eyed child hanging onto the edge of the world, waiting for his brother to pull him up and save him. Times like this conflicted Thor the most; Loki was hurting, and all Thor wanted to do was heal him—and then break him again afterwards.

“All I know is that we only share the same father,” Thor whispered. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know who your mother is, Loki. Odin never told me. I tried looking for him once, but he wasn’t in our old house anymore.” Loki did not reply and only looked ahead at the looming sea, wishing for its waves to engulf the heaviness in his chest and the hopelessness Thor spoke of.

“I did everything, Thor continued, “to make sure you didn’t feel incomplete without them. Did I fail you, Loki?”

Thor knew his words would trouble his brother and he suppressed a smile. Loki swiftly turned in his arms, looking very rueful for making Thor doubt himself. He lifted himself to his knees and took Thor’s face in his hands. “No. No, Thor. You didn’t fail me in any way. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Loki pressed a kiss to Thor’s cheek and then rested his forehead against his. “Please forgive me.”

Loki was so close, and Thor felt his heartbeat accelerate. It was suddenly so loud that he felt it throbbing in his ears. His breathing started to become uneven and labored, and everything but Loki blurred in his vision.

Thor pulled Loki into a rigorous kiss.

“Thor!” Loki was able to pull away for a second of protest, but Thor pushed him into the waiting tent and on its floor. Thor grabbed him firmly by the jaw, his body covering Loki’s, as he continued to kiss the young man. Thor was losing his mind.

This was too much.

Loki turned his head to the side, and Thor’s mouth found his cheek. “Stop!” He pushed at Thor’s chest. The blond made his way from his brother’s jaw with open-mouthed kisses to his neck. Thor licked his way up to that sensitive spot beneath his ear, and Loki’s objections melted into stifled moans. Thor started moving against him, forcing doubt out of the young man’s mind and dragging him under currents of pleasure.

Loki gasped when he felt the hard length against his thigh.

“Thor, please! We can’t do this!” Loki pushed Thor harder, but the older man caught his hands and held them above his head with one hand. Loki started to sob uncontrollably, but it was not enough to drown Thor’s moans.

It didn’t take too long, and Loki himself soon hardened. Thor cried in bliss for Loki finally surrendered to him. The teenager wrapped his legs around his older brother, and Thor almost saw the fear clouding the boy’s eyes. Loki was shaking, and Thor thought it was from the overwhelming pleasure they shared. Loki’s eyes shut tight. If Loki thought this was wrong, then they could forget about it in the morning, but Thor wanted to remember.

When Thor had loosened his grip, Loki pulled his face and kissed him tenderly. Thor licked into his mouth, and Loki welcomed him with his. Loki gasped, his face fevered, when Thor crushed his hips against his violently.

“You feel so good, Loki,” Thor moaned as he kept at his motion. Loki started to rock against his brother as more tears spilled down the sides of his face. He surely had never done this with Stark, Thor assumed. The man was an older stranger who had been through numerous relationships and based on the way Loki looked at the professor, Loki must be trying so hard to make things exciting between him and his lover. What did Loki know anyway? Stark was his first.

Loki was crying harder now, the shame and the pleasure evident on his flushed face. He looked like a wreck, and it only aroused his older brother more. “Thor. Thor! We must stop. Now, please. We can’t—”

Loki screamed as he came, making a mess of himself, and Thor followed a second later. Thor laid on top of his brother, wheezing.

Loki pushed him off as he sat up. Without speaking another word, he ran out of the tent, tears streaming down his face. It was then that Thor freed himself from his lustful trance and realized what he had done.

“Loki!” Thor called as he entered their house, leaving behind their little camp site. He rushed upstairs and banged at Loki’s door with his fists.

_This shouldn’t have happened—not yet._

He entered his own room and swiftly changed into a new underwear and sweats, then picked up the keys from his desk to unlock Loki’s door. But Loki was ahead of him as he pulled the door open himself and stepped out carrying a stuffed backpack. He was now fully dressed in a plain shirt and a pair of jeans, a pair of black sneakers encasing his feet.

“Loki.” Thor felt terror caress his bones. “Loki, where are you going?”

There was no reply as Loki escaped Thor’s presence. He could not face his brother right now.

Loki reached the front door, and Thor pulled at his arm to prevent him from stepping out. “Loki, you promised you won’t leave,” he reminded his younger brother.

“Let go, Thor,” he seethed. Loki tried to free his arm, but Thor didn’t budge, and so he did another thing he never thought he would do to his brother: Loki swung his fist and punched Thor in the face. The bigger man stumbled against the window, cupping his now-bleeding lip in disbelief.

Loki pulled the door open, and it was his tear-stained glare that Thor last saw before he disappeared.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late updates. I'm currently looking for a full-time job because my freelance/project-based work is no longer sufficient. D: I'm already writing the next chapter sooner than I thought I would be capable of atm, so yay?
> 
> This chapter was very uncomfortable to write for me, but I thought that the last scene would reveal Loki's internal struggle and at the same time finally give him a glimpse of what Thor really was capable of.
> 
> Thanks for reading! xx


	9. Of Rot and Remorse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Hi! Hi! Happy Halloween! Here's the first of the three chapters I will be posting today. I have a little more editing to do on the last two, but they'll be up in the next couple of hours.
> 
> Hope you like this one. Thanks for reading! :) xx

“You said you won’t leave!” Thor growled as he pummeled into Loki.

Clouds drifted over the Odinsons’ beach house, blurring the moonlight like candlewax dripping on a glass surface and its reflection. The dim basement was filled with the rhythm of slapping of skin, the creaking of a wooden table, and the cries of two men. It was midnight and Thor was feeding the void inside him. It became more and more insatiable as Thor gave in to it. It took form like a shadow weighing him down and spreading through his veins. Would he ever escape this curse he bestowed upon himself?

The symphony in the dark was muffled by the chatter from an old radio that Thor left on and he was half-listening when the hour’s program started.

 _“Hello, everyone,”_ greeted the female presenter.

 _“Hello,”_ seconded a man.

_“This is Hope van Dyne with Scott Lang for Midgard Midnight.”_

The man, Scott, followed her introduction with their tag line, _“Lock your doors, shut the windows, and don’t forget to say your prayers.”_ He paused. _“Tonight, we'll talk about the latest crimes in our once Eden-like town of Midgard.”_

 _“‘Eden-like’? Before or after the serpent incident?”_ Hope jibed. _“Anyway,”_ she continued before her co-host could even reply, _“Everyone must be terrified in the past few weeks for our most-wanted and very-elusive serial killer has accomplished_ three consecutive murders _just this month.”_

 _“God, even talking about this gives me chills.”_ Scott released a shaky breath. _“According to one unnamed source, she saw the killer on the act of abducting someone.”_

 _“Really? Did she go to the police?”_ Hope asked, and concern was evident in her voice.

 _“Nope,”_ Scott replied.

 _“And she decided to approach a radio station instead?”_ Hope huffed a laugh. Thor imagined the woman shaking her head in disbelief. _“Doubtful. What else did she say?”_

 _“She said that she was out in the park smoking_ the good stuff _when a boy walked in front of her. A few seconds later, a man followed. According to her, the killer is tall, broad-shouldered, and dark-haired. He was wearing a baggy sweater and a baseball cap.”_ Scott informed Hope and their listeners.

_“What if the two she saw were secretly a couple? You know—meeting in the dark for some romance. Or, what if it was just a coincidence that the guy walked after the other—”_

Thor was tired. Tired of waiting for Loki to come home. Tired of looking for him. It had been a month and Loki still hadn’t forgiven him. Thor was furious of himself for his weakness and at Loki for denying what he truly felt. Thor didn’t regret what he did for the memory of Loki’s lust-filled eyes still haunted him. He still heard Loki’s helpless gasps and moans when Thor brought him to completion.

Thor had been calling and texting his brother every day, asking the young man to let him explain and to forgive him. He checked all of Loki’s social media accounts and sent him messages through those too. Loki’s posts were vague the past few weeks, giving Thor no clue to where he was.

Last week he posted a top-view picture of his breakfast plate on a green table, his bare feet in the background; the sun cast harsh shadows against its own light, so Thor assumed Loki was outside that time. Three days ago, he uploaded a picture of a little abstract painting with antlers framing it on both sides. There were no captions to all of them.

He spoke to Wanda two days after Loki left, and the young woman informed him that Loki left her dorm that morning and didn’t tell her where he was going. She gave him Stark’s number, but the professor wasn’t picking up either. Thor threw his phone at the wall and pulled at his golden locks in frustration.

On some nights like this, Thor met with the boy from the bookstore and brought him home, fucking him on Loki’s bed. Tonight, on the table in the basement, this Loki didn’t mind being used once more. He even allowed Thor to call him by Loki’s name. He was just here for the amazing sex the older man promised him. Unbeknownst to him was that Thor had something else planned.

“Ah, yes! Fuck me! There. Yes, right there!” the boy moaned as he laid on his stomach, his hands bound behind his back. They had been fucking for an hour and a half now, and the boy looked so sore but never asked Thor to stop. Direct light rained overhead, guiding the tears escaping the corners of his eyes, but it seemed this Loki delighted in the pain as much as the pleasure.

Thor viciously pulled at the boy’s raven locks, making his willing victim gasp harshly. “You are such a slut,” groaned Thor. “I gave you everything, Loki, and you chose Stark. How ungrateful of you. Why was it so easy for you to replace me?” Thor pulled out and thrust deeper.

Thor was so close as he shut his eyes, imagining his little brother beneath him and so firm around him. He was convinced Loki would feel incredible with his soft skin bruising in Thor’s grasp and his opening slick and leaking Thor’s release. Thor would force a hymn of sobs from Loki and would not stop if his brother begged him to for he knew well what the young man needed. He remembered Loki pushing against his chest when they _fooled around_ in the tent. Thor loved the way the alluring young man struggled, and he hardened even more at the memory.

 At last, Thor finished, spilling inside the condom and quickly disposing of it, but his young devotee was still hard and aching between his legs. Thor lifted the delicate boy in his arms and gently laid him down on his back on the wooden table.

“What are you going to do?” the boy asked as he followed Thor’s movement around him. The killer took a black cloth and covered his victim’s eyes, securing it behind his head. The younger one bit his bottom lip, and Thor knew his Loki’s anticipating what will come next.

“We’re not yet done playing, brother.” Thor’s face split into his brightest smile—the one that lured his victims to trust him before he broke them. Thor proceeded to bind his wrists and ankles until the young man was spread on the table, the ropes connected to the sturdy legs of the furniture.

A leather belt was placed over his neck, and Thor asked, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, brother.”

Thor plugged a cord into a wall socket and picked up a device under the table. He began to screw one end of the belt onto the tabletop with an electric drill and the boy screamed in panic due to the deafening sound near his ear. He started thrashing to no avail, trying to free himself from his bindings. “What are you doing?”

“Hush. Brother, I thought you trust me. I’m not going to hurt you. Turn your head to the left.”

Skeptically, the boy turned to save himself from any damage the buzzing could cause his hearing and Thor properly completed his task. It crossed Thor’s mind to provide the boy some earplugs, but it wasn’t really any of his concern if the boy could no longer hear after he played with him. Besides, the boy surely wouldn’t be bothered once he’s gone.

Thor placed the device between the boy’s ankles and began to fondle his victim’s still-hard member. The boy shamelessly moaned and barely lifted his torso off the table. Without stopping his firm strokes, Thor nuzzled the boy’s face and inhaled his sweet scent. “You’re so beautiful, brother,” whispered the killer. Thor’s eyes gleamed with a madness that only made the clear blue orbs more entrancing. “You seduce me and don’t even know it.” Thor stroked upward and circled the swollen head with his thumb.

“Kiss me,” begged the boy in a gasp. He was now desperately trying to meet the motion of Thor’s hand with the awkward rocking of his hips.

“No. I have something better than kissing, brother. Only the best for a slut such as you. Am I not generous?” Thor withdrew his hand and ran his thumb across the boy’s bottom lip. Thor began stripping what remained of his clothes—his jeans, boxers, and shoes—for he knew that things would be messy from here on. When he was fully naked, his herculean edges exposed to none but the light and himself, Thor gathered his sandy hair and secured it with a tie.

Walking across the room, the handsome man retrieved a black case, with a zipper on one side, from within one of the drawers of his desk; from the desktop he took a bottle of lube. Thor returned to his victim and gave the boy two more strokes before uncapping the bottle and pouring a generous amount onto the cock’s head and its little one-eyed opening. This current Loki hissed when the cold liquid touched his sensitive length. Rose-red was high on his cheeks and his breathing was an uneven rhythm.

Thor started whistling as he unzipped the case, revealing slightly-curved metal rods of various thickness laid upon red velvet. He took the second thinnest one and lubricated it thoroughly with his slippery fingers. Carefully, with his left hand’s thumb and forefinger gently holding up the boy’s member, Thor inserted the rod into the tight opening.

The dark-haired prey whined in protest as the foreign object penetrated his swollen tip. It was now a purplish red that encouraged Thor to further pleasure and subdue its owner.

“Relax, brother. Be patient and you’ll enjoy it soon enough.”

When an inch of the metal has disappeared within, Thor pulled it out and reapplied more of the clear lubrication. He then reinserted it but deeper this time. He repeated the process until half of the object was finally inside the boy’s urethra. Tears now soaked the boy’s dark blindfold as he was overpowered by the indescribable ecstasy. When the slick metal was gliding in and out without causing this Loki discomfort and a mixture of precum and lube escaped his assaulted opening, Thor resumed pumping with his left fist, alternating the act with the rod’s consistent penetration.

The boy sobbed, “P-please let me—let me—”

“What is it that you want, Loki?” Thor asked as he paused his movements.

“I want to come. Please.” The boy almost choked on his plea.

“You shall, Loki.”

Thor dropped the erection for a moment and picked up the drill, replacing its bit for a thinner one. Picking up the stuffed cock with one hand, Thor forced the drill bit beside the sound, its ridges grazing the close-fitting skin. He switched the device on.

Blood started speckling Thor’s chest as the flesh in his fist shredded from within. A stream of red flowed from the damaged eye-like opening as Thor repeatedly pierced it in his firm grip. The boy screamed as if his lungs would break from their cage.

 _“A boy went missing two months ago and was found a week after he disappeared,”_ the woman on the radio spoke and Thor listened for a moment. _“Guess what, Scott? He was found in his car tied up to his seat, so he was sitting straight; his chest was hollowed out and what remained of his organs were pushed down. Atop them were little candles and flowers. He was turned into an altar!”_

 _“What? Jesus, that’s… I don’t know what to say,”_ her partner replied. _“Have you seen photos of the scene, Hope?”_

_“Yeah, I have. I could say that he has the eye and patience of an artist; but his art is not the kind to be admired.”_

Thor replaced the drill bit with a thicker one and repeated the process of his torture until the once-tight hole was gaping unnaturally. The victim lost consciousness two minutes ago and snot was flowing down his nose to the sides of his mouth.

When Thor deemed the damage enough, he started drilling a line of holes from one of the boy’s hipbones to the other. He was careful to keep them as aligned as he could even though crimson started to spill over his canvas. Thor wanted this to be perfect and better than the previous ones—especially that altar Hope van Dyne just mentioned on her show. He wasn’t satisfied with the outcome of that one. The cuts could’ve been cleaner but the knives and chainsaw he used didn’t stay sharp for too long. They weren’t brand new like the many drill bits he bought for tonight.

With the tip of his fingers, Thor traced an invisible line down the center of the boy’s chest. Halfway down, he pulled off his victim’s blindfold, so he could watch the green globes shift from glittering to dim, from terrorized to surrendered. Thor always loved their eyes. He made sure to observe them for the stories they narrated were the purest of truths.

“I love you, baby brother,” whispered Thor as he wiped his prey’s tears away. “I love you as much as I hate you.” He sighed. “It’s okay if you feel the same way about me.” The boy didn’t reply and only looked to his right, trapped in a dream better than the nightmare he was in. Thor kissed his lips gently. “I will keep you forever, Loki. You and I belong to each other. You may not understand it, but you will soon. No one will cherish you as much as I do.”

Thor groaned when his phone chimed, but he wiped his hands clean on the clothes he just discarded on the floor. He took the device from the pocket of his jeans, hoping it was his beloved brother, and saw that it was Heimdall who left a message. It was too early in the morning and the man was awake. The two have been exchanging messages regularly since they last met but Thor hadn’t informed his friend that Loki left home almost a month ago.

The message said that Thor had to meet Odin soon and that the old man was unwell. Thor wanted to avoid the subject, but his friend was a very stubborn individual who would bring it up sooner than Thor was comfortable with.

“Not now, Heimdall,” Thor muttered under his breath before sending a reply that he will, again, think about it.

Thor was about to return to his work when the phone sounded again with another message: _You’re a good man. Don’t be like him._ Heimdall would be very disappointed—devastated—if he knew the truth. Thor was now a wrecked man who sought destruction and chaos. He was no longer the teenager who wanted to fix and hold things together just because Heimdall said he should. Every day, Thor lied to himself that he was strong enough and could stand on his own. He was crumbling like a ghost praying for a body.

Thor finished drilling holes above and below his victim’s collarbones before letting his friend know that he finally decided to meet his father tomorrow—only if Heimdall would accompany him. It was time to know the truth about Loki and him. If he was feeling this monstrous yearning that was eating him from the inside, wouldn’t it be right to know if he could succumb to it? The older and wiser man expressed his gladness and relief in his next reply to Thor.

“Where was I?” Thor asked himself as he faced his pretend brother on the table.

“Please,” the boy gasped, blood trickling from the corner if his mouth. “No more, please.”

Thor grinned as he retrieved his electric drill and changed its bit with another thicker one. “But I just started brother.”

The victim gritted his teeth. “He will never...love you.” He was feisty although he just fainted, reminding Thor of the real Loki whom he was certain would behave like this in the same situation. Thor was delighted.

“What did you say?” Thor smiled, turning the drill on.

The boy held back a shudder as he rasped out, “Your brother, he will never love you.”

“You’re wrong. He already does.”

Thor pulled the boy’s hair and held him down before piercing a hole into his left eye.

***

Thor was exhausted due to his lack of sleep. Although he was satisfied with the outcome of his new project, the process he went through was quite challenging. Not every drill bit he bought effortlessly pierced the flesh of the boy as he had expected. Some slipped due to the fresh blood on the surface and grazed his victim’s skin. Thor hated those scratches. His work was somewhat untidy at first, but once he got used to the craft, applying the right pressure and using the right metal bit, Thor found the task soothing.

He decided to bathe with his now-dead victim’s body this morning in an old tub he installed in the basement. He carefully cleaned the holes like he used to wash Loki’s lithe form when he was very young. The boy looked divine with the neat perforation Thor inflicted on his body, and the artist was pleased.

“Where are we—” Thor yawned, “—going, Heimdall?” Thor asked as he looked at the road ahead. He and Heimdall were currently in his truck, driving out of the mall parking lot to visit Odin.

“The Shield Residency for the Elderly. It’s where your father’s at,” Heimdall replied as he placed his coffee in the cup holder. “It’s not too long a drive. An hour or two, I think. He’ll be pleased to see you.”

Thor snorted and Heimdall arched a brow in response. There was a hum of silence before Thor asked, “Why is it that you are good to him, my friend? Even after knowing what he did to our family, you still seem to respect him.” The sun was unforgiving at this hour, and Thor put his sunglasses on before grabbing his own coffee cup and taking a sip of the steamy drink.

Heimdall turned in his seat to better face Thor, his long hair swinging behind his broad figure. “He showed me kindness, Thor. When I was attending uni then and living next door to you, Odin and Frigga cared for me. I was invited to spend a few Christmases with you when I could not afford to come home to my family. They bought me gifts for my birthday. Did you know that your father helped me get my first job? He taught me what I should do during my interviews and suggested which companies I should try. Helping me was not your parents’ responsibility but they did anyway.” Heimdall paused and when he resumed he spoke softer. “He called me…when Hela died. I heard all his sorrows and regret when he spoke that your sister was gone. He admitted that it was his fault. He blamed himself, Thor. Don’t you think that the old man has suffered enough?”

“No,” was Thor’s immediate reply. “He pushed Hela away. He pushed my sister and my mother away. So, no, nothing will ever be enough. He should be dead, not them.” Thor’s grip tightened on the steering wheel.

“If you hate him so much, then why did you agree to meet him?”

“I want to know about Loki. My brother doesn’t speak about it, but I know he wants to know about his mother. I’m doing this for my brother.” Thor half-lied.

The two men arrived at Shield at two in the afternoon. The home was a wide three-story Victorian painted a robin’s egg blue; its roof a bluish dark gray. Trees surrounded the area, giving a comforting shade to the residents who decided to spend time in the wide well-maintained garden. For about a minute they walked from the tall gate into the property until they reached a pair of glass doors that welcomed Thor and Heimdall into the soft gray walls inside. It was beautiful here and Thor was genuinely impressed.

“Hello, welcome to Shield!” A teenager with messy brown waves greeted. He was standing behind the white front desk in a baggy red sweatshirt. Beside him was a long-haired woman wearing a pair of stylish round eyeglasses. She was reading what Thor assumed was a women’s magazine. The woman looked up and nudged the boy with an encouraging smile. She muttered a few words that made the young one step around the furniture and walk towards their visitors.

“Hi, I’m Peter. How may I help you?” He smiled and extended his hand out for a shake.

“Nice to meet you, Peter,” replied Heimdall as he shook Peter’s hand. “I’m Heimdall and this is my friend Thor. We are looking for his father, Odin.” Thor only nodded in greeting.

“Oh, I’ve met him. Let me just ask…” Peter turned to his companion, “May! Which room is Mr. Odin’s again?”

“How many old people live here?” Thor asked Heimdall when the woman, May, started giving Peter a few instructions.

“Just fifteen of them. I heard that they are planning to build another house behind this one to accommodate more people.”

Peter led them up a carpeted wooden staircase to the second story, where Odin’s room could be found at the end of the right hallway. Their young guide was very talkative and Heimdall was attentive to his stories. In a span of a few minutes he told Thor and Heimdall all he knew about the facility: Shield was owned by a woman named Maria Hill. Her parents were the first occupants of the house she purchased for them as a gift for their wedding anniversary. The couple felt lonely in the too-big house and suggested to their daughter that they invited others in.

There were six full-time employees and usually five volunteers per day. Maria preferred student volunteers to help her out for she wanted the younger generation to simply care about the elderly as she cared for her parents. Peter said that he just started four days ago. His aunt convinced him that joining her here at least twice a week would be good for him.

It was apparent that they tried to modernize this old house for the walls up at the second story were still covered in faded wallpaper, but the doors were newly painted white. A few paintings hanged on the walls. They were made by the residents themselves, according to Peter.

“I’ll be downstairs with May if you need me,” Peter reminded them before leaving.

Thor pushed the door open to a little room redolent with the scent of lost things. An unmade bed occupied the middle of it while a wooden table was propped by the window, encased by an indigo cushioned recliner on the left and a black plastic chair on the right. The wooden surfaces, including the floor, were polished. The tall windows gaped, letting bright light and warm air in. The place promised peace, and Thor wondered if his father felt it.

Odin sat on the recliner, ashen and thin and very wrinkled; a cup of coffee and a plate of sandwich was placed on the table in front of him. He was watching the blank sky outside when Thor and his friend stepped in.

The old man turned. Surprise flitted across his eyes for half a second before he quashed it with indifference. “Son,” he acknowledged with a nod. “I thought you’d never visit.” To Heimdall, “Hello, Heimdall. It’s very good to see you again.”

Thor only scowled in reply as his companion smiled kindly.

“How are you and the boy? Is he still with you?”

“Yes.”

“Do you two want coffee? I’m sure one of the volunteers wouldn’t mind making you some,” Odin offered as he sat up straighter and took a bite of his untouched sandwich.

“No,” was Thor’s next curt response.

“I’ll leave you two,” Heimdall felt the awkward atmosphere and excused himself.

Odin gestured to the empty chair across him. “What is it that you want, son? How may I help you?”

“Don’t call me that.” Thor hissed. “You ceased being my father when Hela died.” Thor sat on the chair he pushed back and farther from Odin. Without delay, he then proceeded to ask the question that had been afflicting him for a few years now. A question that stirred the passion in his bones. “Tell me about Loki. Is he really my brother?”

“No.” Odin did not hesitate. “He’s another man’s son; his mother I’ve never met.”

Thor released a trembling breath. “Where is his father then? Why did you take him?”

“His father is dead, Thor. I killed him accidentally.”

Thor laughed as if amused. “ _Accidentally?_ I don’t believe you.” He clasped his hands in front of him on the table as he leaned forward. “Stop trying to protect yourself, Odin. It won’t change anything.”

“It is true. I’ve been wanting to tell you everything for a few years now.” Odin sighed and returned his gaze to the view outside. “Your mother, she started having an affair two years before Hela died. With a younger man named Laufey, who was half a decade older than you. He gave Frigga everything I couldn’t, and they fell in love. Your mother didn’t want to hurt you for you were already hurting too much, so she eventually broke off their relationship.”

“You are lying! Mother loved you dearly. She worshipped you, you fool!” Thor roared vociferously, banging his fist on the wooden table and rattling Odin’s cup on its saucer. “How dare you speak ill of her!”

Odin remained composed as he continued. “Your mother deserved the best and she found that in Laufey although their time together was brief.” Odin picked up his sandwich to take a bite, but Thor swatted it out of his hand. The old man cleared his throat in discomfort. “Laufey finally married a decent woman his age and left to somewhere far and unknown. I believe her name was Farbauti. Frigga mentioned the union when she confessed her previous affair with him. She spoke to me as a friend divulging her secret to another—for we were very good friends before we married.” Odin shuddered as his eyes began to fill with tears that threatened to spill. “I forgave her and tried to fix our marriage, but after Hela took her own life, I knew that there was no more marriage to put back together. Your mother loathed me, and it destroyed me. I started having affairs of my own, hoping that maybe pleasure could patch up my worn and tired self.”

Odin looked up and met Thor’s livid eyes. Meekly, he continued, “I know you hate me, Thor, and I accept your hatred for I deserve it. _I_ was the one who ruined our family. Not your mother and Laufey. It was me.” Odin freed a sob. “I will not ask for your forgiveness. But I want you to know the truth of why I brought you the boy Loki.”

“Tell me then.” Thor repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists.

“Four months before I left Loki with you, I was out with friends. I was on my way home, walking at a secluded and dim street, when a car stopped across the road. I heard a shout of my name and looked. It was Laufey and he was holding a gun. He looked devastated as he pointed it at me. He told me that he just recently knew about your mother’s death upon his return, a news more than a decade late. Laufey was furious. He hit me and then towered over me as I laid beaten up on the pavement. ‘My wife left me for I had never forgotten yours,’ was what he said.”

Odin took a sip of his now-cold coffee and Thor didn’t stop him. He watched his father’s hands quiver as the man lifted the cup.

“When he thought I could no longer fight back,” Odin continued, “I snatched the gun from him and pulled the trigger. I shot him in the chest. I was so afraid, Thor. I didn’t mean to kill the man, especially when a boy who obviously was woken up by the ringing of the gunshot stepped out of the car. He screamed as I approached. I tucked the gun inside my jacket and lifted the boy. I ran with him struggling in my arms. Loki was afraid of me and I was afraid for us.”

“How did you not get caught? Why did no one look for Loki?”

“I immediately contacted people that could help me. I faked documents for the two of us and paid a large sum before we moved to another city. For months I cared for the boy out of guilt and pity. He cried for a week, looking for his father, until I bought him books and a toy piano to entertain him. Whenever he asked where Laufey was, I told him the truth that he was gone but left out the fact that I was the reason behind it.”

“What did you tell Loki?”

“I told him that there was an accident and that I was now his guardian. He’s a precocious boy and soon gave up on asking about Laufey. I told him I could be his new father if he liked. I thought that maybe I could be a better parent for him. Maybe he was my second chance.” Odin shrugged as he looked away. “He didn’t want to call me papa. He called me Otin and Opin and never got my name right.” The old man smiled at the memory.

“My money soon wasn’t enough, and I didn’t want to raise him in poverty. I looked for a job suitable for an old fellow, but what I earned from it was only good for one person. I remembered you then. An old friend of yours, Jane, who I happened to meet at a diner one evening, told me that she knew the name of the town you now resided—she saw one of your posts online.”

Thor commented, “Didn’t you think it was stupid that you spoke to her when you feared being caught?”

“She didn’t know anything from back home. She left like you did, remember? And no one knew who to look for. The street was empty, and no cameras were installed in the area for it was old and abandoned,” Odin spoke without arrogance of his deception and escape. It was very unlike him, but maybe time softened horns and edges with age.

“You found me then,” Thor said, his earlier fury weakened by curiosity. “But how did Heimdall know about your current home?”

“There was an event here last year. He donated books to Shield. You know he owns a bookstore, don’t you?”

Thor nodded, the gesture ensued by silence.

“H-how is the boy? Is he well? Is he still as intelligent as he was?” Odin asked when his cup was empty.

“He is. He wants to be an author. He reads a lot and still plays the piano.”

Odin smiled. “I hope he isn’t too much of a burden.”

“I thought he would be.” Thor paused. “Why did you leave him with me?”

“Because you were both alone in your own worlds because of me. I know Loki could not replace Hela and Frigga, but I wanted to make it up to you—and to Loki—the only way I knew then: by bringing you two together.”

Thor was unsure if he should embrace or strangle his father. For the first time in years, he was glad of something the man did. If Odin didn’t kill Laufey, was there a chance for him to meet Loki? But knowing this did not change anything. Hela and Frigga were still dead; Loki was still missing. Thor was still a murderer of innocent young men.

***

Thor drove around Midgard that night once he had dropped Heimdall off at a train station. The street lights blurred in his vision like fingers spread to guide him away or to welcome him home. He was a wayfarer stranded between rot and remorse, free and lost at the same time.

For years he had hated Loki, and that hatred ripened into obsession. Will he continue to kill now that he knew Loki was not his brother? Thor wasn’t sure. His craft had been a part of him for years. It gave him the power that he didn’t know he craved. He was nothing without the sleepless rage he cradled in his chest, and Thor was afraid of letting it go if it will only leave him empty and lonelier than before. Would forgetting his pain and healing himself bury his sister and his mother for good? Thor was not ready to say goodbye to them and so he left Odin unforgiven.

He ended up sleeping at a motel at the edge of town. The place was old and honey-hued and almost empty. Thor laid on an old bed, watching two little moths circling the yellow bulb above. He was exhausted and hungry, but his traitorous mind spun thoughts that kept him awake and held him down.

Thor picked up his phone from the bedside table and dialed Loki’s number. Of course, the boy did not pick up. Sighing, Thor left a voice message. “Brother…” He paused. “Loki… It’s been a month. I wish you’d come home.” Another pause. “I-I saw father today. Do you remember Odin? A friend told me he was sick, but he was perfectly fine although he was skinnier than before.” Thor wanted to tell Loki the truth, but such matters were meant to be discussed in person. “We could visit him some time, if you want. He asked about you.” One of the moths flew out the window and Thor followed its trail with his eyes. “I miss you, Loki. Very much.”

Thor hung up and was finally pulled under a dreamless sleep.

***

It was noon and a ringing dragged Thor awake. Looking around at the unfamiliar white walls now faintly-tinted gold by the glow overhead and the outdoor light that washed over it, Thor almost forgot where he was. He stirred in bed and covered his head with a pillow, but the noise was persistently loud and irritating.

Thor turned, and a thud caught his attention. This time he sat up as he remembered that the familiar ring was most likely coming from his phone. He searched around him until he found the device beneath the bed. He was suddenly anxious when he snatched it up and saw the screen bright with Loki’s name and a picture of his brother with his tongue sticking out.

Loki was calling him.

“Loki!” he said as he answered the call. “I was so worried about you—”

“Thor, where are you? P-please come home this instant.” Loki’s voice trembled, and Thor could imagine him with his fist against his lips, hindering a wail from escaping. “Thor, I need you. Please—”

Thor was agitated. “What’s wrong?” he interjected as he stood up and slipped his feet into his shoes.

“Just… Come home.” Loki hung up.

Thor rushed out the motel and into his truck.


	10. The Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... it ends with this chapter and the sort of epilogue after it.
> 
> I named this chapter after a tarot card. You can look up the card interpretation, if you are interested. ;)
> 
> Now I'm scared.
> 
> x

Thor parked his blood-red vehicle up the hill and rushed down the sandy slope to their beach house, almost falling on his face when he tripped. Worry was about to erupt from his chest and out his mouth. What could possibly be wrong that Loki, who resented him, suddenly called him to come home? Was his brother hurt? Did Stark hurt him?

Fumbling in his jeans’ pockets for his keys, Thor decided to unlock the door instead of knocking and waiting for Loki to open it. He would not wait for the prowling horror to attack him first. Pushing the heavy wooden door, Thor was welcomed in by their seemingly undisturbed home. Nothing appeared to be out of place at first. Their little foyer was arranged as he had left it the day before: the drift wood chandelier he built when he just bought the house glimmered above him and the abstract painting he and Loki made ten years ago adorned the right wall. The floorboards had lost their usual luster for they had been left unpolished since Loki left, and dust gathered on the edges of the wide windows.

Attentively listening for any sign of his brother, Thor heard a very faint sound of someone pacing across the floor and then a thud as if something—or someone—fell. Suddenly the walls felt like they were shifting to form a maze meant to madden Thor.

Thor ran but abruptly halted, and what was left of his heart dropped to the floor.

The basement door was open and pale light was trickling out.

Thor’s lungs constricted as he held out a switchblade. _How the fuck did anyone get into the basement?_ Thor seethed to himself. He had told Loki several times that he was forbidden to enter that part of the house. The teenager didn’t even know what the code was. Cautiously approaching the open door, Thor moved like a phantom with its hazy edges off the floor.

Peering into the narrow space, Thor saw that there was nothing unusual. His recent victim was still situated on the wooden table, clean save for some wounds that bled once again when Thor left. The tools he previously used were neatly organized on the desk: the drill bits arranged by size in a translucent box, the electric drill itself beside it, and the case of sounds atop the box. He stepped into the room to further assess it. The tub in the far corner still carried the bloody water he forgot to drain.

Looking up from the tub and to its right, Thor noticed that the closet door was open as well, revealing the darkness within. Like the rest of the basement, nothing appeared amiss here when he inspected the space. But just to be sure, the man swept away the azure curtain that divided the narrow closet into two, exposing a tall glass case that held his creation within.

The grotesque form atrociously resembled Loki. Patches of skin decayed at different stages and each told the story of how their now-lost owner died. Stitches were apparent on the older parts while the newer ones were held up by pins, tapes, and thin strings for Thor was still unsure of permanently placing them where they were. Meanwhile, the skeleton within was put together with nails and glue. Thor was enthralled every time he viewed his disfigured and rotten masterpiece that he almost forgot what Odin recently revealed to him hours ago. His assemblage was almost complete. He just needed to find and attach some of the lower parts, but that meant he had to continue abducting and killing. What a waste it would be if he left his work unfinished.

A wail reverberated from another part of the house and Thor followed it. A chill crept up his spine when petals of blood appeared before him on the floor, but a part of him prayed that it was Loki’s. The boy always looked ravishing in red.

Thor finally found his brother in the living room; Loki’s back was facing him as the boy knelt before a figure on the leather couch. He was uncontrollably sobbing as he wiped the form with what Thor thought was a wet cloth.

“Loki?”

Loki turned upon hearing his name and his pale body uncovered what Thor now clearly saw was Tony Stark. The professor was half-naked, and his lower back was heavily bleeding. Loki was applying pressure on the wound.

“Thor, help.” Loki burst into tears.

Thor immediately surrounded Loki with his arms and the beautiful boy briefly let him. Loki quickly remembered their current circumstance and collected himself. He soaked the bloody rag into the basin beside him and wiped the unconscious man’s forehead with it.

“What happened?” Thor asked.

“Call Banner,” said Loki, ignoring his brother’s inquiry.

Thor pulled Loki by the shoulders and repeated himself, “What happened?”

Loki pushed him away and shouted, “I SAID, CALL BANNER!”

Thor was soon irate, and he stood up. “I am not calling Banner unless you tell me what happened!”

Loki glowered and raised himself from the floor. He mumbled something that Thor could barely hear and so he spoke louder. “This is all your fault.” The boy lunged at Thor and began hitting his brother. Thor raised his arms and defended himself. He was surprised by the attack for Loki was never a violent person.

The brothers grappled on the floor and Thor noticed an ax by the doorway. It was scarlet with Stark’s blood. Loki continued to scream even when Thor seized him with a knee to his chest and his wrists held above his head by the blond man.

“You attacked Stark? Loki, why?”

Loki was hiccupping as he cried out, “It’s because of you! I told him what I know. That you were killing people, and he wanted to call the police! It’s your fucking fault!”

“Y-you knew. How?” Thor stuttered, bewildered.

Loki laughed hysterically and stopped fighting Thor for a moment. “You are not as discreet as you think, brother.” He giggled. “And I might have learned a thing or two about hacking through your stupid locks, thanks to my beloved who is now dying over there.” His voice cracked.

“Why would you want to show him? Why not call the police like he asked you?”

“Call Banner. Call Banner and I will tell you everything. Please.” Loki begged as his green eyes welled with more tears. Thor loosened his grip on Loki’s wrists and twined his fingers with his brother’s. He looked up for he felt something odd.

Around Loki’s finger was a silver band decorated with little stones, twinkling as if to mock Thor. “He proposed. That’s why you told him,” Thor whispered. Loki accepted the proposal, and it meant that Thor will lose him for good.

“No,” Thor decided. “I’m not calling Banner or anyone for help.” He grinned and let go of his brother.

“Loki?” Tony groaned from the sofa, and Loki pushed Thor off him and hurried to his lover.

“Baby, you’ll be fine. I promise,” Loki said, kneeling. Tony reached for his hand and Loki squeezed it reassuringly in his. “I’m so sorry. I got scared.” Loki kissed his knuckles and then his forehead. Tony was pale, and Thor enjoyed the sight. Loki made the first step of what he was just planning to accomplish. He didn’t even lay a finger on Stark. Thor snickered. Even if the man survived, there was a chance that he would be paralyzed or unable to walk because of the blow inflicted on his lower spine. Thor learned that from Banner one time his friend was drunk and talkative.

“I’ll be fine, Lokes. It’s just a scratch.” Tony comforted Loki as if the young man was the one bleeding and not him. Thor asked himself how the man could still stay conscious. It was pathetic to see him fighting his inevitable death. Thor picked up the discarded ax. He remembered leaving it by the living room doorway a few days ago when he collected and cut driftwood for the bookshelf he was planning to construct. He was glad that he forgot about putting it back in the attic where he transferred most things from the basement.

“I love you, Anthony. Remember that.” Loki wrapped his arms around Stark’s neck.

“I love you, Loki.” Stark nuzzled Loki’s tear-stained cheek.

“Make up your mind, Loki.” Thor interrupted, shattering the lovers’ bubble. “You could only choose one of us. If Stark lives, he will surely tell someone what he knows; I will be put to jail. If he dies, we will never part, brother. I promise you that. We will leave this town and never come back. I will help you forget.”

Loki let go of his fiancé to turn to his brother. “I love you, Thor. But I am not as cruel as you. How could you ask this of me?” His bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to flow once more.

Thor sighed. “I’m sorry, brother. I was wrong to ask.”

Thor swung the ax and buried it in Tony’s skull.

***

Loki screamed, and with it his soul was ripped from his body.

Thor supposed that Loki was not a killer like him, and so he committed the act for the two of them. He firmly believed that Loki loved him the most and would forgive him for what he had done.

“Anthony, baby. I-I-I’m so sorry,” Loki howled.

The killer watched his brother cradle his lover in his arms and weep for what he lost. Loki’s hands were shaking as he tried to coax life back to his lover, wiping the blood that stained the side of the man’s face. It was absurd and repulsive to Thor. How could Loki mourn what he pretended to love? To Thor, Loki only loved Tony Stark for he could never love his older brother. But Thor knew the truth now, and Loki would soon too. Thor dropped the ax behind the couch and pulled Loki to his feet, but the boy resisted, maintaining his place beside the professor.

Loki cut his heart out for hours more and Thor observed him. Loki was falling down an endless white cliff with no great waters, jagged rocks, or sharp teeth to catch him and end his suffering. In that time of mourning, Thor saw eternity captured in beauty.

Thor’s legs were already stiff from standing still and looking over his brother when Loki eventually ran out of tears to cry and his voice was barely audible when he spoke. “No one could compare to the love Anthony had for me. Even I could not return it the way he deserved. He was honest and selfless…” Loki trailed off as he wiped at his soaked cheeks, spreading tears and blood on his pale skin.

Loki combed Tony Stark’s hair away from his eyes and spoke to Thor without taking his eyes off his dead lover. “I should have left Anthony when I discovered what you were doing.” Loki rested his forehead against Stark’s bloody one, the gesture muffling his voice. Blood pooled like a gathering of roses and poppies on the leather couch under the dead man’s neck and chest. “But I love you, Thor, and I tried to understand why you committed those dreadful crimes.”

Loki finally met Thor’s gaze, and Thor saw the aftermath of a forest fire—empty and gray. Loki laughed but it was without humor. “Why do you hate me so much, Thor? Have I disappointed you? Have I hurt you? Tell me!”

Thor’s breath was knocked out of him as he was pushed against the wall. “Tell me, brother!” Loki hissed. “Enlighten me for I could no longer understand you.” He sobbed as he crumpled the front of Thor’s shirt in his fists.

Loki’s scowl faded as if realization had hit him. He smiled but it conveyed defeat instead of joy. “Who am I kidding?” he said, kinder and calmer this time. “I never understood you. You never let me in, Thor. You showed me kindness and provided everything I need, yes, but you were always distant. You hid yourself where I could never reach you.”

Thor felt numb and his tongue was heavy in his mouth. Loki was right. Thor spent years observing Loki like a predator would before slaughtering his prey and never as a brother who cared. The green-eyed boy wrapped his frail arms around his older brother and Thor felt caged.

Loki continued, “I’ve wanted you for so long, brother, but we could never be together. Then Tony came, and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I was loved fully and was allowed to return it. I overflowed like a stream free to cross into the ocean and be a part of it. Brother, don’t you want me to be happy?”

Thor lifted his hand and brushed away Loki’s hair from his face. Looking at him, Thor held his breath. Loki was more enchanting when he was lost and wrecked. His face was a marble and crimson palette dusted with minimal freckles—like the two nestling on the bridge of his nose, his hair was a starless night, and his eyes were a dream of the woods abandoned by light at dusk. “You don’t need Stark, brother,” Thor whispered. “I can make you happy. We belong to each other.” Thor raised Loki’s gaze to his, caressing the other’s face. “I love you, Loki. H-have you seen the monument I built you downstairs? Don’t you like it?”

He kissed Loki’s chapped lips, softly and sincerely. Thor inhaled Loki’s scent as he leaned his forehead against the boy’s, his hair a fair curtain over them. “I spoke to Odin. He told me that we aren’t really brothers. We can be together, Loki. Isn’t that good?” Loki did not respond. Vacantly he looked at Thor’s hopeful eyes.

“I know you are upset,” Thor acknowledged. “But you must forgive me, Loki. I hated you so much that I didn’t see how much I want you. I will be a better man. You own me; do you know that?” Thor resumed kissing his brother, harder this time. He needed to feel Loki’s mouth against his, the boy’s tongue dueling with his own. Thor was desperate and willing to beg. He broke Loki, but he will put him back together again.

Like sun caressing the firmament and tucking itself into the horizon, Thor pulled Loki to the ground with him, and the sky washed his brother’s pale form in coral. Deeply he worshipped Loki’s mouth with his own while his hand wandered under Loki’s burnt-orange shirt, stroking his taut abdomen with the rough pads of his fingers. Loki finally responded by pushing Thor to his back and pressing his wet lips to Thor’s. The young man tangled his fingers in his brother’s hair and Thor almost sobbed.

Loki clumsily tugged at the hem of Thor’s gray shirt, his knuckles brushing the blond’s back as he removed the piece of clothing. Thor’s thighs were straddled as Loki began leaving open-mouthed kisses on his jaw, neck, and chest. Thor was on fire and almost nauseous with desire. He watched Loki’s every move, intricately painting this moment in his memory. His brother was still shaking; if it was from fear or excitement, Thor didn’t know for certain.

“Close your eyes,” whispered Thor as he lifted Loki in his arms. The raven-haired wrapped his legs around his older brother and dropped the shirt on the floor as he shut his eyes. From this moment onward, Loki must rid himself of Stark. Thor thought that seeing the man with his cracked skull smothered in red would only distress his brother. The two of them had nothing to rue. There was no need to seek absolution for it will only take them down. There was nothing to forgive but everything to forget.

Up in his room, Thor laid Loki on his rumpled navy sheets and began undressing him. Loki’s midnight locks haloed his saintly features as he silently watched Thor take off the remainder of their clothes. Thor ran his hands from Loki’s chest down to his thighs, reveling in the dips and edges of his willowy form, before crawling up his brother’s body. Loki pulled him close, wrapping both hands around Thor’s throat before stifling the man’s gasp with a vicious kiss. Thor fell on the pillows, his vision spotting to a blur as Loki’s grasp tightened.

For a second, he thought that Loki decided to avenge Stark and end him, but air rushed back into his lungs once long fingers released his neck. Thor selfishly gulped as much air as he can.

He closed his eyes and felt Loki reach for something to his right before he heard a pop. He felt his knees being bent and spread apart, followed by something cold and wet circling his opening. Thor felt a discomfort as he was penetrated, and he choked out his younger brother’s name.

Sitting up in bed, Thor’s sight refocused to see Loki’s eyes blown out with want.

“I want to fuck you, Thor,” Loki whispered and licked the side of Thor’s face with the tip of his tongue. Thor looked down and watched his brother’s fingers disappear into his heat. It had been a long time since Thor had someone inside him. Loki kissed the center of his chest and Thor shouted in surprise when Loki’s digits went deeper. He now felt three of them stretching him as a tear rolled down his cheek.

Thor was pushed back, and he anticipated the pressure of Loki sheathing his length inside him, but once the delicate young man hovered over him, Thor instead felt tears shattering on his cheeks—not his own but Loki’s. Thor gazed into the memory of another man in Loki’s eyes.

He had to make Loki forget.

Thor turned them both around and Loki was beneath him like he always imagined, a sea against his sky. Loki was crying as he looked away, his eyes red and could no longer yield tears, and so the older man began glorifying him with his mouth—softly, as if afraid to disturb the still water into ripples. Thor did not neglect any sensitive part of Loki’s body, from the spot below his ear to his pebbled nipples and from his inner thighs to the puckered warmth between his cheeks. He did not falter until a moan forced its way out of Loki’s swollen lips.

With lubricated hands, Thor began stroking Loki’s length to hardness. Thor was overcome with pride upon seeing what he caused. When he was satisfied, Thor sat up and lowered himself onto Loki’s erection, careful not to crush his brother’s more fragile frame. He was filled as he deliberately moved his hips, and the sting gradually turned into ecstasy. Comfortable enough, Thor scattered kisses all over Loki’s face, wishing Loki would return them. Thor snuck a hand under Loki and pulled at his night-sky locks. His brother gasped, and Thor took the chance to taste Loki’s tongue and teeth.

An uncontrollable drumming filled Thor’s chest and he was caught in a storm of jarring emotions. Thor muffled the lying voices at the back of his head. They told him that Loki didn’t want this—didn’t want _him._ They whispered that Stark still resided in Loki’s heart and that the love Loki once had for him was no longer there. Thor shut them all out as he continued to make love to Loki— _his Loki._ He would never let his beloved go.

With Loki’s fingers clawing at his thighs, Thor took in the sight before him: his brother’s eyes were shut, drawing his brows into a furrow, and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth.

“Loki,” he muttered. The young man only replied with a whimper.

“Loki, look at me,” he pled, and the boy opened his eyes.

It was all Thor needed to reach an unparalleled end and he generously covered Loki’s torso with his seed. Panting, Thor cloaked Loki with his body and nuzzled the boy’s neck. He felt warm and aching. Thor wished to remain like this a hundred years more, with his sweat-glazed body against Loki’s and the world around them hushed as if in awe of their coupling.

Remembering that his brother was still unsatisfied, Thor resumed the rocking of his hips, but in protest Loki started pushing against his chest. “Thor, n-no. P-please stop.”

“It’s okay, brother. I will take care of you.” He placed a gentle kiss on Loki’s temple and continued his rhythm.

“I said, stop!” Loki pushed harder and Thor fell to the floor.

Wrapping the blanket around him, Loki stepped out of Thor’s room and into his own across the hall. Thor picked himself up as he heard the shower. He covered himself with the gray robe propped on the back of his chair and followed his brother.

Cautiously opening Loki’s bathroom door, Thor found him sitting in the tub with his knees drawn to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Loki was shivering for the water must be cold. He looked small and frightened, uncertainty scratching the colors of his eyes out. Thor knew he needed time to heal and he would be the one to stitch him up.

“I-I’m sorry, Thor.” Loki stuttered. “Give me more time and I’ll be…fine.” His voice cracked on the last word. “We’ll be fine.”

***

That night, Thor gave Loki a pill to put him to sleep, and when he was sure that the boy was under a dreamless rest, Thor dressed up to go out. He put on a dark ensemble of clothes slightly bigger than his actual size; in one of his loose shoes he tucked a coin to alter the way he walked; with his hair tied up, Thor covered it with one of the few beanies he owned. Lastly, he painted a few little moles on the side of his exposed neck and concealed his celestial blue eyes with brown contact lenses. He didn’t need a grand disguise. All he needed was to blend in the night.

A few hours before leaving, Thor cleaned Tony’s body in the basement and wrapped Loki’s dead lover in plastic before carrying him in his covered arms and gloved hands. Thor did as Loki had told him: he found Stark’s car parked uphill, a few meters away from his, and placed the body in the backseat.

He drove and drove until he found a secluded area, a dimly-lit alley beside an abandoned school building. Looking over his shoulder once the car was parked and its engine was turned off, Thor bid Stark goodbye—as if wishing a friend the best of luck—before stepping out of the vehicle. Thor was glad that the man was now out of their lives. Stark was a respectable person but was unfortunate enough to be in Thor’s way. He would still be alive if he chose to ignore Loki’s advances.

Thor promised his brother that Stark would be found. This was Loki’s last and most proper farewell to the man, and Thor fulfilled it.

Cautiously, he left the area with a grin across his face and bliss filling up his chest for once dawn tumbles overhead, Loki would be his alone.


	11. White Noise

After missing for a week, Anthony Stark—the last of Thor’s victims—was found where the killer had left him. News about him filled TV screens and were announced on radios; a few people speculated that he was also a victim of Midgard’s murderer, while some doubted the idea for the man didn’t fit the killer’s taste. Loki was a mess of guilt and sorrow, but his friends visited him frequently, spending time cuddled on their new living room couch.

Thor never told Loki where he left his dead lover, so Loki didn’t have to pretend too well that he didn’t know where Stark went whenever he was asked. The following night after Thor cleaned up the signs of their crimes, Loki started calling his friends, asking if they ever saw his fiancé. Before that, the young man faked his excitement when he posted online that he was engaged. Thor watched him mourn in front of his laptop as he typed his announcement.

It was raining when Tony Stark was lowered to the ground. Mud was dragging the crowd’s feet as they stood before the freshly-dug grave. Tony’s casket was surrounded by the people dearest to him, and among them was the one he loved the most, on his knees and begging him to come back. Loki disregarded the dirt that sullied his pants as Wanda and Pietro held him in their arms and comforted him. If only they knew what truly happened, the twins would’ve pushed their traitorous friend into his own grave.

Thor stood behind the three, beside Steve and Bucky. Steve shook his head, and Thor interpreted it as disbelief that Stark wouldn’t be at the couple’s upcoming wedding. Bucky curled himself against his fiancé, mourning the loss of his favorite professor and good friend. Pietro told Thor that Stark already paid for the couple’s reception as a gift, and everyone around who heard of the man’s generosity wept harder.

A black shroud weighed them all down, and Thor felt like a foreigner amidst the crowd.

***

It’s been more than a year now since Stark’s death, but the man occupied the space between the brothers, filling the gap with unspoken blame and arguments that reminded the two what it cost for them to be together.

Even if Loki would not admit it, Thor saw him withering. When he was not writing, Loki spent most of his time sitting by the piano, playing a nameless tune. At sunset, he knelt by the shore and watched the everchanging sky. Thor guessed that the young man could hear the memory of Stark and him laughing and running across the sand. Loki also frequently missed his meals and so Thor made sure to always eat with him. Above it all, Loki still wore Stark’s ring, turning it around his finger unconsciously as he stared at nothing. All that was left of Loki was a white noise of his old technicolor self, and Thor started to keep his distance even when Loki begged to be made love to.

Loki assured Thor every day that he cared for him and it only broke Thor more. Thor always wondered why his brother stayed with him. He was a murderer who took Stark away, so what was the man’s reason to be with him? When asked why he would not call the authority to put Thor in jail, Loki told him that not everyone had to be caught and made an example of what Odin did to Laufey. The twenty-year old even helped him dispose of all evidence of his killings.

Loki finally published two fiction books and they both sold well, but no color sparkled in Loki’s eyes for his accomplishments. Whenever congratulated, he forged a smile. At his little book signings, people seldom asked who the inspiration was behind one of his protagonists, an intelligent but arrogant man with a hidden compassion. Thor knew it was Stark, but Loki always chose to deceive them by saying that it was his older brother.

Thor and Loki built their relationship on lies, and Loki buried them with more of it. Thor was suffocating but he pretended to be fine. But today was different. He needed to talk to someone, and none of his friends would understand his fears—not even Heimdall.

“Hey, Stark,” Thor greeted as he sat before the man’s headstone, placing a bouquet of white flowers on the grass. “I know we’ve never been friends, but it’s easier to talk to the dead than the living.” Thor chuckled at how ridiculous he sounded. “Your grave is nearer than my mother’s and sister’s, so here I am.”

“Maybe you’re wondering where Loki is and why I’m here. I know he visits you every week. I followed him a handful of times.” Thor sighed the heaviness he felt. “I confess that he’s not fine. Do you see this?” Thor swept his now-short-and-dark hair from his forehead, exposing an ocean-blue eye and a blind one. “Loki did this a few weeks ago.” He pointed at his right eye that was fenced around by scratches and cuts.

“He’s been very quiet since you…left. He doesn’t want to share his thoughts and feelings with me like he used to. We only talk about the things that mattered less.” He paused. “I asked him if he wanted to find his real mother, but he seemed disinterested.”

“It was the only time he was aggressive—when he did this,” he said, pertaining to his face. “Do you know what happened?” He paused again as if waiting for an answer that would never come. “I tried to take the ring you gave him, and he wrestled me to the ground. I did not budge, and he saw a flower vase nearby and hit my face with it. See?” Thor combed his hair back with his fingers. “He got the ring back,” he said with a shrug.

“My brother was never a good liar and I am not the most foolish man. I believed him when he said he loved me, but I don’t think he has admitted to himself that he loves you more—even though you’re gone now.” Thor chuckled but it soon morphed into a sob. The one-eyed man wiped his face with a hand, careful not to apply too much pressure on the wounded right side.

“He’s currently with Wanda and Pietro. I asked them to take care of him for a week. He needs to get out of the house. You had too many memories there; I think I need to sell it soon and find us a new home. I would just have to do some renovating in the basement first.”

Thor sniffled as his fingers brushed the blades of grass by his feet. He was mesmerized by them, thinking that they were as vibrant as Loki’s eyes before. “I talked to Steve and Bucky. Your friends are all worried. They suggested that I should get Loki a therapist. Loki didn’t like the idea; he locked himself up in his room for a day. Then the next day, he started apologizing for worrying me.”

The solitary man looked up at the bright blue sky through the pine needles that sheltered him and sharply inhaled. “God, Stark! Why wouldn’t you just fucking leave us alone!” Thor’s face was suddenly stained with tears and his forehead kissed the ground. Thor had never felt this frustrated before. He was weak and desperate, and his damaged face wouldn’t let him fully cry for the healing wounds still stung.

“Is he punishing me by pretending he wants to be with me?” Thor pulled at his hair. “You are below there, and I am up here, but it’s as if he was buried with you. Loki’s crippling my sanity whenever he says he loves me, whenever he asks me to fuck him. He closes his eyes, Stark—all the time. He’s still stuck in that time when it was you with him.” He screamed and clawed at the undisturbed green. Thor wept for Loki crucified himself to him, and his sobs were carried by the cemetery wind.

Thor was seldom visited by remorse, but he always made sure to shut the door at its face. There was no place for it in his shabby conscience, but there were a handful of times when he wished to surrender himself and be imprisoned just so he would not have to watch Loki try and fail to love him. Loki had nothing to offer but his wounds and a monochromatic stare. But the young man was his and Thor would keep him until one of them was dead.

With his hands soiled and his face crumbling, Thor seethed, “He’s mine. Loki is mine, Stark. I will love him better than you did. He is broken, and I will let him break further until there’s nothing left of you in him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading. I hope you liked how it ended. If you have any questions (why it ended that way, what inspired it, etc.), please feel free to ask kindly in the comments below.
> 
> Also, I wanted to share with you a list of some songs that inspired me/set my mood as I wrote this story:
> 
> \- Close Enough to Kill (Emily Browning)  
> \- Mariners Apartment Complex (Lana Del Rey)  
> \- Ghost (Halsey)  
> \- June (Florence + the Machine)  
> \- My Boy Builds Coffins (Florence + the Machine)  
> \- Big God (Florence + the Machine)
> 
> My next fic will be a FrostIron one, if you would be interested.
> 
> Thanks again for reading! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading. I'm new here so suggestions and comments are very much welcome. Leave some kudos if you liked it. :)
> 
> Thanks so much to [ Teckmonky](teckmonky.tumblr.com) for the prompt! Go check out her stuff. She's the coolest.
> 
> I'll be updating every week. xx


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